[THE RELATIONSHOP] Relationship Lessons Learned In Quarantine (Episode #40)

The RelationShop crew discusses relationships seen on reality TV (90 Day Fiancé, Married at First Sight, etc.) and throughout Pop Culture in order to provide good relationship advice that works.

Be sure to send in your relationship questions to TheRelationShop@power77radio.com.

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this’ll is relation Shop where we analyze pop culture to give you relationship advice That works. I’m Toya and I have Jason and Eric in here. Welcome back. Alright. For any questions, send those into the relation shop at power 77 radio dot com and Jason, do we have a question? We got a question. Wait, I’m gonna call it a little way blowing. Well, good with just l I l A Yeah, A little way from little L little l Okay, here’s your question. Good rapper. What’s the best advice you can give me to prepare for marriage as a single man?

Look at that boy. Already stepping all forgets marijuana. No, prepare him. Well, I think the guru over there probably is the guy a man go ahead with. Okay, the best advice I have is to make sure you’re good first. So that means clean house, bro. That means deal with your baggage. That means get some men in your life that can speak into your life, uh, to address any issues you right have. Because any issues you got now will be magnified once you get married. So number one would be work on self and number two would be when you start considering who you’re going to spend the rest of your life with.

I mean, this is probably a whole another show by itself, but I’ll make it as quick as I can. Uh, you wanna find somebody that shares similar core values to you? The things that are most important to you because you will have conflict over that stuff. And if I had to give somebody to non negotiables like I tell my kids, make sure these two qualities exists in the person you Mary. I’d say number one, they got good community around them. They can. They can call them into account because you don’t want somebody who nobody can call them into account because you’ll find times in your marriage where they don’t wanna listen to you.

And if you have nobody else you can call on, then you’re dead in the water at that point. And then number two, I think, find somebody that already has a lifestyle of serving others in some way. Me and someone who will do something for somebody else who can’t do anything back for him because that’s the only way you know They’ll do all kinds of stuff for you when they like you. But I want to know when they’re mad at me. They’re not feeling me. Do they still have a servants heart?

That’s why that’s why I was going. My couple is obviously communication. We always talk about that. But when I’m talking about communication, start practicing communication of not what you are trying to say, but listening to the other person, right? And then maybe a second one is I’m going to say if you’re in a relationship, just take it slow. There’s no rush, right? You don’t have to jump into marriage. Take it slow and make sure you know each other before you before you start doing life together. Don’t be Jason.

Don’t get married. Way right. Don’t be Jason. Don’t we have a shirt that says that I should think we did in my tip. Oh, yeah. Chip is don’t be Jason. You know what? That killed work that could work on YouTube. Don’t be Jake. I would have to say Don’t be old, Jason. Because new Jason go Jason there, Ugo Older, older, wiser Jason There, Ugo. That’s a good way to wrap that up and I will say, you know what? Just are you really ready to lead? Because, you know, I’m sure the woman that you’ve chosen is great and all of that, but make sure you are ready to actually lead her.

Um, respect her, you know, love her. All those things that you have to do is a man to bring to that relationship. So they said everything else but congratulations. Hey, didn’t even say he’s in a relationship. He just said, what would he need to dio future? But he probably like, found somebody, right? That’s why he’s asking the question we owe ended a relationship. He’s like, Man, I can’t get the Oh, that Look, I already know you asking it just because maybe somebody wondering he might be the ex spouse of the lady that you started running down that road.

E o. So we Oh, congratulations the Oh, just the fact that you’re even thinking about marriage. Congratulations, Ugo. And if anyone else has questions, send those into the relation shop at power 77 radio dot com And Eric, what we got This is gonna be a fun show. I’m excited. So we you know, Everybody has been in this quarantine, and it’s meant different stuff for all kinds of people. And so I thought, it be fun for us just to personally share. Hey, what are some lessons we’ve learned as it pertains the relationship during quarantine season?

So that’s what we’re talking about. Relationship lessons learned in quarantine. That’s what we’re talking about. Today s o Jayson, Walt, you start us off. What is one lesson that you’ve learned in quarantine? You know, creative. We’ve become creative. That’s the one thing. So, you know, we always do our date nights, Thursday’s kind of date night for us. Um, you know, we’ve gotten so accustomed to going to the same places and we always enjoy it, but that forced us to kind of get creative a little bit with date night.

And so we you know, we would go and eat in the car, obviously, but we find a nice little lake to park by. We just some creativeness within the within the date night. So that’s one of the things we put the mask on. No, A mask. I don’t get them. Okay. I don’t want to offend people, but I don’t get the mask in the car. You’re the only person in the e. R. I don’t get it. You’re safe. Hey, all I know is I wore a mask the other day for the very first time because Costco makes you wear mask now.

And I went to Costco. I promise you trying to breathe through a mask is worse on my lungs than I think. Corona Hey, hey, hey, Here’s a A Here’s a funny thing. I noticed you listen it, like, confuses you when you’re not used to something, right. So I’ve got this mask on and I’m walking through Costco and in about, like, halfway through it dawned on me like I’m staring at people I’m like, like, looking weird of people who are annoying me, you know, that air stopping and aren’t paying attention, all that kind of stuff.

And I’m looking at him like I think they can’t see my eyes like I have sunglasses on. But because I had the mascot felt like I was, like, covered up. And then I was like, Hold up. All these people get me singing like a creeper. Yeah, I looked like a posco. So if you were a Costco. I apologize. I went for It was weird. That confused me. I thought like you couldn’t see my eyes looking at you. And so I made that looking at you Had security following.

It was it was a funny experience. Your mouth is covered. Not your eyes, bro. They could see you season. Them s Oh, that’s a good one. So get creative. What you got? You. I got okay, All right? So, honestly, our routine has not changed, So I still get up and go to work every day. And eso nothing has changed. We stick to our couples time around 8. 30 when Prince goes to bed. And, uh, that’s that’s about it on, you know that shit. Okay, well, that’s good that you’re one of those that hadn’t changed for.

Yeah, you can screw you. Then let’s move on to something else on next. Next checks on, De. So what lesson that we’ve learned. I would just say, like, perspective is key. So we’ve developed some new habits, so maybe I’ll call this lesson learned new habits. And so my wife and I have been taking some walks in the evening like we never used to do because we were out a whole lot in the evenings doing a lot of stuff. I think extra time with the kids has been another thing that, uh, that I’m valuing, that I think I just kind of took for granted and then dinner at home.

So those have been three new habits, walks, more time with the kids and more dinner at home than we have in the past, although we’ve been trying to get some take out because I want to support some of the restaurants I wanna open for me when I go back out. But new habits have been one of the lessons learned for us. Hey, this is a great time. I can I can complain that I don’t have or I could say, Let’s let’s build new habits. So give us another one, Jack.

Well, let’s see. We seem to be a little more, uh, save it involved with family, but it doesn’t mean like we weren’t involved, but but now it seems like the kids themselves, like we have a back porch that we kind of hang out on. It’s kind of a nice little areas, so it seems like the kids are more involved. We’re just all kinda involved. Maura’s a group than we were before. So what happens when quarantines lifted? E don’t know. Eyes it back to normal or a terrorist?

You know, that’s a good question, because it’s, I think you do kind of cherish it in mind because, really, between us, we have seven kids, right? I mean, seven kids, five kids there, seven of us in the house. So the five kids, you got to, uh, dang the two illegitimate ones in South Florida E. I’m sorry, A conversation and it will be all right. You forget about those to justify. Let’s talk about just to just talk about the five year have. But it’s kind of being cool, but to see them, you know, two of my daughters and I got step kids, but they’re all interacting now.

You know, my daughter is a big sword, fighters and stuff, so but they’ve got the sword fighters, a theatrical swordfighting. Yeah, they, you know, like you see in the movies and all that stuff. They there’s like it’s a theatrical swordfighting. Yeah, they’re good, you know, like sensing where they were A s and they potentially you have some video game gigs and stuff like that doing that kind of stuff, right? Yeah. I never even heard that. They’ve been doing it since they were 12. But now, you know, they kind of worked in some of the others video games and pay everybody video games.

Swordfighting goes a little beyond that is a dot com. Uh, yeah, but we’ve been S o. This has been a family thing. Well, they’re all doing that outside. We’re all watching it. And so yeah, it’s kind of become a cool thing, so yeah, more family time. Good time. That’s good. And like to go back to toilet e do have one thing. E All right, So I was actually talking with a friend who was having some health issues, right? So I was just telling her Hey, look, you need to really look at your diet and just see if that could be the cause of what’s going on.

So in me, telling her to do that, I started watching these documentaries. So the documentaries that I told her toe watch. So what? The health on Netflix? Um, the game changes on Netflix and a cow spirit. See, right. So I watched all three of these spirits see. What’s that? So it talks about the cows and how they are contributing sea cow, California cow like a cow. So they’re talking about how cows contribute to weigh more pollution than you know, cars and factories and all that. You know, there’s no back.

Your what? Their gas. Well, what e back you up on 90 day, but we’re sucked in on cow documentaries, okay? It was really good, though. That was really good. E O s. So it’s like you don’t think about these things, right? So the number of cows you need for most people to eat meat, like three times a day, is a lot, right? And then So it’s the cows number one for us to eat meat all the time, then the land that they need to graze on. Then the additional land that’s needed to create the soy that they eat, and then all the water that they need to drink.

So, in a lifetime, we eat. If you eat meat like three times a day, you’re eating probably £70,000 of meat. So that’s a lot, you know, um, does anybody three times that most people knew. Yeah. Bacon for breakfast. Turkey sandwich for lunch, maybe. Or sausage. Okay. No, you’re not. You. You eat cereal. But most people, most people that really want a good breakfast, you’re gonna have a piece of meat for breakfast. You’ll have a light meat in your salad. Or because what you think you needed for protein, right?

So most people think that they need it three times a day. So whatever that meat is, whether it’s a cow, a pig, a chicken, whatever, eggs like it’s all together in that same cycle. So anyway, that that documentary was really, really good Cal spirit see on Netflix. And so anyway, what it did is it led me to just say huh Now, of course, I’ve gone vegan. I wouldn’t call it vegan, but during the Daniel fast, right. So I’ve experienced that type of eating before, but I’m like, I’ve never just done it just because from health reasons, you know, I’ve only done it following the fast for church.

So I was like, You know what? After watching all three of those, I was encouraged. Eso way have been kind of on that diet now it’s not religious. Like, if I want a piece of chicken, I will have his chicken. But for the most part, you know, it’s it’s been really enjoyable. So I’ve been watching a lot of, like vegan recipes and videos on YouTube. Very entertaining and very, very good. That’s a heck of a lot from somebody whose lifestyle hadn’t changed hearing all this, right? That’s what I’m talking about.

All I know. You wanna grab a steak e? Heck, yeah, e today, whatever that was. Yeah, I’m with you. I’m there. I’m there. So let me tell you all real quick what I made on Friday night. You will never believe this. Ever believe guessing? It was not me. It was not me way. No, not beyond me. I made carrot dogs. That sounds so. I just wait. Cut her mic off. Is it too late to wait? Don’t let me tell you something. I was like, I don’t have no faith in this.

My expectations are low. I’m about the bite of carrot. It’s gonna taste like y’all. I’m telling you, it did not taste like a carrot. It tastes like a really good hot dogs. Last sausage e carrot. That’s why I understand. If you’re eating carrot, just eat the carrot. Why’d you spend so much energy turning the carrot into a hot dog? Just eat the carrots, because you still you still have your cravings. You still kind of want that, you know? So it’s like so why can’t you have it?

And it just be a cut out of my dad’s will just topple LSD and tell yourself it’s a hot dog. Give me fine. Check out my hot dog. You heard it first. That’s a carrot, bro. LSD. You do? Anyway, y’all just check those out. I’m telling you, just try it. Just try it. So that’s been That’s when the fun, You know, one thing I’m not going to do during quarantine is everything. Tonto. Eso Alright, Alright. Yeah. So here’s this is more of a principle that I’ve noticed both in my life.

And, you know, I do some counseling, So there’s been a lot of people trying to hit me up. So here’s my principle that I learned during quarantine that pressure exposes cracks. Yeah, So you got the couples that so like Like toy over here was talking about because her in a modern so fantastic that their life is not changed. So s so I will say the couples who, prior to quarantine had a fairly healthy relationship. A lot of them I see are enjoying this time. Like I said, my wife and I have been taking more walks together than we ever have.

We’ve been having more conversations than we than we’ve had. And so we’re enjoying the time I’m noticing a lot of other couples that had issues in the relationship that they weren’t dealing with. Now the extra pressure is just exposing that because they can’t get away from each other. They were, you know, they weren’t resolving stuff, but they could get up in the morning and goto work and deal with the kids and not have to worry about their relation. What you’re saying is, your had been exposed. Nope.

That what you’re saying? Uh, exposed crack. I like it solid. Eso I’ve noticed that. And that’s a lesson for life in general that if you don’t deal with the cracks in your relationship when pressure comes, they’re gonna be exposed. I don’t know why Jason always wants to talk about my crack always. That’s a big problem. I have a story. That’s a show for another stick with the show. All right. What’s another lesson you’ve learned, Fowler. You know, not about crack. Could go. I could go lesson. But there’s been several.

There’ve been so many things that I I have observed and kind of learn with this. I figured I could wrap him up in five. Hey, everybody surprised Jason has fucked and wrap him up. In fact, I’m going to give you my I’m gonna make a prediction. You make a prediction. So is a few weeks ago when I gave you credit for the very first time for having the best question ever. And then I think last week or two weeks ago I told you that, man, I really I was impressed with your top five.

I’m gonna make a prediction on the front end today. These suck, but go ahead. Wait. Five relationship lessons learned during quarantine. Number one absence can make the heart grow fonder. Sometimes you need your alone time, right? Oh, yeah. Not having Sometimes you need your alone time. All right, number two. Mhm. All right. Let’s you know if you’re still best friends with your spouse like you promote on Facebook are your really best friends. Well, that’ll show you. All right, Number three. All right. You’re a lot more o c d than you thought you were.

All these little things that are bugging you that didn’t used to buggy. Oh, you do that way. All right, so your date night with me, my wife and uber eats is getting a little old. That’s what I’ve observed that my date night might be. Oh, you invite me over for uber eats. So here’s the biggest lesson that I have e already. Hey, you like it that much worse? Never use quotes from the Tiger King as verbal foreplay. Never use quotes from the Tiger King. Yeah, you’re noises, right?

Way just regressed. E Want to apologize to all of our listeners for joining us today and us taking five minutes of your time that you’ll never, ever be able to get back for the rest of your life? It’s too bad. Oh, come on. Come on. All right. Okay. In all, seriousness is one of the things that the biggest thing that I’ve noticed as’s faras our relationship is there’s been a couple of times that we’ve hit a wall, a stress wall where it kind of just gets to you a little bit.

And where may be the first time that happened with with Lisa, it was like, You know, I really probably didn’t respond the best. Like it’s fine or whatever. Now I’m recognizing that a little more when she’s starting to hit her wall. So my responses or better, that’s what That’s the biggest thing I’ve learned in all this quarantine stuff. It’s good that might actually help somebody. Unlike your top five. Wow. Wow. Wow. Hey, you just said ls that should take care. Okay, That actually was better advice than your top five take.

Let’s take a carrot dog instead of making a carrot dog one of these days, toy it. You gotta make us carrot dogs. You do that because we’ll be able to do ah, whole show on your carrot dog. And they’re not just regular carrot dogs. Okay, let me I’m sorry. Didn’t add this in its chili dogs. I mean, chili dog eso carrot. A carrot dog with chili on top because you’re you’re supposed to eat the carrot dog. How you normally eat a hot dog and see, we normally do chili dog cooking on the grill.

But that’s like, uh, now we’ve turned into the reality is that you’re vegan. Attempt of a carrot dog is nasty, but I’m gonna put chili on it so that you could put chili on Styrofoam and I’d be like, Man, that was great Hot dog. How do I eat that? Carrot it. Hold it. I bite into it. You do catch up on it. That’s it. Usually. Just catch. How do you eat yours, Jason? Mustard relish. Okay. My wife. My wife. Yeah, but what I’m what I’m saying is that’s the same thing with, like, tofu people like, Oh, tofu.

So great. No, tofu tastes like nothing. Whatever you put on, so I’m not a tofu person. But if you go to pay way and you get tofu with the Mongolian sauce shoot, I’ll eat it. Because I love them on golden way. So what you did was take something nasty in the name of not eating meat, put a bunch of chili on and be like, Oh, it was so delicious. I can’t remember that you said it. I’m not meet my getting the mental satisfaction. So it’s good a Fowler.

I’m gonna invite you over tomorrow night. We’re having socks with chili on. It s so good. So what? So you just have bread cleans your the socks clean your esophagus is it goes down the chilies. Delicious. So why don’t you just have bread and put chili on it and then put your exactly because you still want that. I like hot dogs. Right? But hot dogs is just a lot of crap mixed in. Right. So this is an easy way for me to get the mental satisfaction of a hot dog.

And I can make my Coney dog, but it’s a carrot. Like how? Also, it has nutrients in it. It’s good for me. Like maybe corny dog. Okay, guess what? Mason Mason had some, uh, corn dogs made out of a some type of vegetable and he Taurima type of vegetables. Gonna believe you don’t even know the type of vegetable e think it was like a mixture of P. Yeah, Not now. I’m sold E It doesn’t matter, dude E But you know what? You know what? You know what?

I feel great. Thanks. for asking. Yeah, so we’re kind of exhibiting some of the characteristics we talked about the last show. Their new lesson for anybody in that or the base. There is a lesson. Hey, everybody. You could put chili on anything and it’ll be good. There you go. Lesson learned here. Ugo has been good. The chili was vegan too, though way it was all good anyway. But, you know, e watch Tiger King Kau conspiracy. I didn’t watch the History Channel with all the unexplained stuff the other day.

Some little town in Pennsylvania that has molten lava under it. So they abandon it. Wow. Devil’s Rock out. It was It was good stuff, All right, but here’s a lesson I learned. Here’s another lesson I learned. Uh, this season has been a reminder to me that life is seasonal. Yeah, and so here’s what that means to me. One is when you’re in a difficult season, you know, there’s an end to it, and so we don’t need to be fearful or worrisome, but also to know that you’re gonna go through lots of seasons in your life.

So when in the context of relationship, uh, I here we go, Fowler. I’m coming back to you, baby. No, this is a good one way. In the context of the greatest one of your top five ever in history was the question that you asked your spouse. What can I do for you in this season? Basically, was your question. I paraphrased it, but it was like what you need most from me now. It did help somebody. It did help somebody. And so I think when you understand life seasonal as a couple, there’s always got to be those questions going on because in a quarantine season your spouse is gonna need different stuff from you.

Then when pregnancy season, when a young kids season when a teenager kids season, you know all those different things. So I think it’s just a reminder to me to go. Okay, this is a new normal. But this season is not gonna last forever, so we can make some adjustments. But when the season ends, if I get so stuck in this season and go what? That’s just how life is. No, it’s changing now. Things are open, things were different. So I think you need toe. You need to be able to just in your marriage Based on the season.

You’re saying if you learn nothing else out of this, you learn that life can change in two seconds and a heartbeat so your security can’t come from stuff or even people, right? You gotta have a little Christ. Gotta have that security there, So yeah. So in the new season you need there’s gonna be shifts you gotta make. There’s gonna be new things you’ve got to do. And there’s gonna be new things to focus on. Eso what I think for me coming out of this season, here’s what I would say.

One thing I’ve realized in seasons past I have gotten way too busy on dive. Let the tyranny of the urgent and schedule tell me what I’m doing as opposed to me determining my schedule. So one of the things my wife and I have been talking about going into whatever the next season looks like of life is I’m gonna learn to say no to things, and that allowed me to say yes to other things. And I’m not gonna let my calendar dictate me on my life. But we’re going to decide what are the priorities for us.

What is the standard of living financially? But then also the, um I guess standard of life, meaning, what are we doing? What we value and we’re going to focus on that. And I’m not gonna let opportunities or requests or any of that kind of stuff is good. Tell me what todo good. And I know I mean for us, we know we are going to cherish our alone time together because we don’t have it now for sure. Yeah, definitely. Don’t take. Don’t take that for granted. Right. And I say for me, I don’t have a problem saying no, But I know what I wanna learn.

Work on is being just more intentional with the time that I do have and make sure that I’m not being too selfish with my time when I am at home or with the modern prints on. Just keep that going and just be intentional. Ugo Crazy s o. I think, for for our listeners, I would say, you know, maybe some of our lessons learned can be helpful for you guys. But if not, I would say, what have you learned about yourself individually in this season? what to focus on.

What have you learned about yourselves as a couple? And then I think, just just having some future looking, gazing like What do you want to be about? That’s what I’ve noticed. Like I’ve been listening all kinds of podcaster in the season weathers business and entrepreneurship and a lot of the shake up. I think it’s causing a lot of people to say what like, What do I really want to do with my life? Do I want to be about, you know, maybe they lost the job. They’ve been working out for 20 years and just going through, and they’re like, OK, since I can’t depend on that, what do I wanna be about?

And hopefully they’re asking that question. Absolutely. I mean, it’s a great time right now because it’s so easy to focus on. She’ll be open. Should we not open all the negative surrounding this whole coronavirus thing that just taking the time and looking at what you’re talking about looking at the positives that have come out of it and maybe things that we’ve neglected taking, taking for granted and, uh, yeah, setting a new path for sure. So it’s a great opportunity. Don’t waste it. And if anyone has any questions at all, then just please send those into the relation shop at power 77 radio dot com and thank you so much for joining us today.

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