[THE RELATIONSHOP] The Role of Personality in a Relationship (Episode #38)

The RelationShop crew discusses relationships seen on reality TV (90 Day Fiancé, Married at First Sight, etc.) and throughout Pop Culture in order to provide good relationship advice that works.

Be sure to send in your relationship questions to TheRelationShop@power77radio.com.

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thing is the relation shop where we analyze pop culture to give you relationship advice that works on Toya and I have Eric and Jason up in here. Yeah, in the house. And if you all have any questions, send those into the relation shop S H o P at power 77 radio dot com Killing it. Yeah, on it now what 100. Alright, Jason, we have a question. We do have a question from Sherman this time. Seaman, We’re starting to broaden the Oh, wait, Oklahoma Keeper on. There you go. Alright.

This from Shannon. Shannon says thanks for your show. I learned a lot from you guys. Also get a good laugh before I start work. So I heard the show about sex before marriage, but I didn’t fully get why I should not have sex before marriage. My girlfriend and I talked about it after the show. We feel good about how things are right now. So can you explain the benefits toe waiting? They feel good about having sex. Is that what they apparently Yeah, eso Can you explain the benefits toe waiting for marriage?

Didn’t we cover all this before? E I could do it again. I’m I’m fine with that. What you think before you understand? Before I climb up on my soapbox were running for 25 minutes? What do you think? Wait a minute. I’m confused, E. I mean, okay, so is she saying that this is her? Michael Shannon is a he boys, It’s universal, Like Robin way. Have a lot more to discuss, E. I mean, I’m not saying that’s almost irrelevant in this conversation. Anyway, whether it za girl with a girl, I mean, we’re not talking about homosexuality.

They they don’t know why they shouldn’t have sex before marriage, period. All right, man. Yeah, that was I mean, we talked about it really good. And that’s what I think we had. Amada’s a guest that day, but Okay. Anyway, back to it. So the reason why you really need toe weight is because God designed it to be between husband and wife. So that way, you too, can enjoy that under your covenant as being husband and wife. And what better way toe learn and explore than to know this is the person that I’ve committed to for the rest of my life?

It’s just a beautiful thing. I mean, that’s enough. Anybody else with, you know, I’m gonna call it. I’m gonna call it how we call it the 50% rule. Because if if you don’t over over time, you’re gonna lose 50% of your stuff when you get divorced when you get married. Right? Because science we’ve talked about it proves that living together and all this sex before marriage stuff, right, leads. They have a bigger divorce rated, but they gotta figure out if there, uh, compatible if they got chemistry. Right? Bubbles compatible. Yeah.

How do you know that we’re bringing to the compatible? What if they What if they get married? They haven’t tried things out and they get married in their sexual chemistry is just off way. That that’s a lie. That’s a lot of chemistry is allies, and we’re already starting again. We’re starting in the wrong place. We’re starting. And how again the I think how it itself on me, how it makes their thinking about each other thinking about E. J. No way they’re thinking about Shana is not Shannon Shannon.

Maybe you didn’t hear going. I see the way she looks at me on instead of being so I wanna wait. But I’m gonna give myself to her because I feel bad for her. Shannon don’t want to give up saying that that’s what she is doing. Alright, Alright. So Toya’s gave us a biblical reason. God’s design is that it was designed for the context of covenant marriage between husband and wife for life and that that is where it is most sacred, most safe and most desired. On I’m gonna go the non biblical route here since Jason thinks all I do is read my Bible and I read other stuff too, bro.

I mean, I already got the Bible memorized. So now I’m moving on. Where’s the sound effects on that? So, anyway, here’s Here’s the reality. We’ve talked about this 100 times. Anybody that you have sexual relationship with, it releases chemicals in the brain that makes their shape smell what they look like all that stuff more desirable to you. In essence, it put puts blinders on your eyes so that you can’t see negative aspects of the relationship. It will cause you to think that you have a greater level of connection and relationship than you do it’s the quick fix, right?

You could be fighting with your spouse. Go have sex. And afterwards you think we’re good again because God designed it to release all these hormones that not only bond us together, but relax us. That fight against, uh, is a cortisone. The stress hormone is that the right So oxytocin is released, which fights off cortisone. So I’m I’m more relaxed, stresses gone. I’m or connected all these kind of things. And so if you’re having sex regular before marriage, you will not do the hard work of building your emotional intimacy, building your friendship, building all the stuff that really sustains relationship for the long term.

And it will fool you into thinking you have a better relationship than you really do on de. So even if Shannon’s listening and you’re not a Christian, you don’t care about what the Bible says. I think if you are, that should be enough motivation to honor God and know that we find our best when we honor God’s best for us. But if that’s not you, I think there’s a lot of other reasons that that will allow you to build a stronger relationship. If you take that off the table and, uh, and you’ll see.

So that would be my encouragement to Shannon. Why don’t you try this? Maybe we’re wrong. But why don’t you try taking it off the table for the next 30 days and see what it forces you to do instead? Because you now don’t have that tool belt, which is the easy We’re good again. The easy conflict resolution. You’ll have to develop some other skills that I think will make you stronger for the long term. So give it a shot for 30 days and let us know how it works. Yeah, like the challenge, the challenge people do.

The, you know, 30 days sex challenges is the no sex challenge. Shannon. There you go, Shannon. Let us go. Let us know how that go, Shannon. Alright. So if if you’ll have any more questions or comments in those into the relation shop at Power 77 radio dot com and Eric, I think you have another outlet if they need any more advice. Well, since you mentioned it was what she meant by outlet is not that I’ll help service anything. What she meant by outlet Waas If you need some relationship advice or some thoughts, you could check out my YouTube channel.

It’s called relation shots Shotts relation shots. You could do it youtube dot com Backslash relation shots. Check it out. Uh, some short videos there. Quick videos, quick tanks on helping you walking that. Thanks for teeing it up awkwardly. I suggest they have some esports or anymore. So, uh, yeah. No, I appreciate that. Eric’s escort. Yeah. Yeah. Listen, bubbles, bubbles, escort service. So here’s what we’re at today. We had to show a while back when we talked about valuing your differences and understanding our differences in marriage and, uh, and had a lot of feedback and questions around personalities.

So we thought this would be fun If let’s break down specifically the disc personality. If anybody’s familiar with that d i s C, we’re gonna explain what that means, and, uh, and how our personalities impact relational dynamics. And we’re going to share stuff from our our own marriages today. And so here, let me just give you the quick review. The disk personality essentially has been around forever, so they trace it all the way back to Hippocrates and and say that he even began to notice personality differences and came up with 44 quadrants and all kinds of stuff like that.

But it stands for the D stands for dominance. The I stands for inspiring the S stands for supportive and the C stands for cautious D I s C four quarters. We all have some of all of them. But we usually have some dominant ones that determine how we see things, how we could do conflict, how we communicate, whether we lean towards tasks or people. And so I’m gonna read a quick description of each one. Dominant, the D type outgoing, task oriented. They’re focused on getting things done, accomplishing tasks, getting to the bottom line, these air, usually your leaders, they want to make it happen.

And so if you want to develop a relationship with this person, it’s all about respect and results for them. The inspiring That’s the I outgoing people oriented individual loves to interact, socialize, have they just want the life of the party, Man. Let’s just have let’s just get along. You wanna build a relationship with them? It’s about admiration and recognition. That’s what they want, man. Let them know they’re great. Recognize them? Uh, the s is supportive. That’s reserved these air people oriented. They like relationships. Thes air, your helpers, the supporters there, steady.

They wanna work with the team. And so if you want to develop a relationship with them, it’s about friendliness and sincere appreciation. Don’t don’t Don’t give him this insincere crap. They like one on one deep relationships and then see is cautious. They’re reserved, task oriented. They seek value, consistency and quality information. Thes air your accountants, man, They want to know. Does he go here? Here and here They’re focused on being correct and accurate. Don’t try to give them all haphazard stuff you need given good details. So relating with them is about trust and integrity.

Don’t Don’t give me some half hearted stuff. They’re all about integrity. So D I s C Okay. You guys took this week. So listen you on for anybody that wants to actually take the test themselves, go ahead to our website power 77 radio dot com, and we’ll have a dis personality tests on there for you to take. And if you already took it this week and anticipation of the show. Then make sure you pull yours out and have it handy as we go through some of this. And you kind of recognized knowing these good parties, personality traits, good personality traits.

You know, there are some person out, bro. Okay? There are some personality traits you really don’t want to see. Wait. So me and my bro Tim, over here. We went out. We grabbed 100 people off the streets. We went bust way. How good you guys are. So these are the least favorited personality trees. This is what you don’t want to see. Oh, this right through these just came up with Tim and their distance, bro. Yeah, no, we did our science, man. We asked people, I’m trying. I wanna be in the right e o with.

I like to be in the right zone. Second, nothing to do with your with your little tests over there. Right? Just right. All right. So I want to see how good you guys are. So these are in order from, you know, from 5 to 1. All right, let’s see number one being that out of 100 people, these this personality trait is the least desire. You’re gonna give us five, and we have to determine which. No, I’m just gonna have you guys guessed right now to see if you can even get one in a five. Okay.

So I’ll say, you know, the most ambiguous innocuous that I don’t even know directions for this quiz e doing it, man. Focus, man. Chasing that square, we got it right here. Right. Here we go. All right, So what we’re doing is we’re naming, So Okay, so let’s do this way. Got greed. We got dishonesty. We got judgmental, We got manipulative. And we got narcissistic. Right? Okay, I’ll give you that. Okay, those are the five. Those air, The five. Alright, Those air solid. So let’s see if you can put those in order.

All right, So So five. All right, number one being the worst. So, So much one of those that agreed. Dishonesty, judgment. Manipulative. Now, what do you think is least desire? I would go number five greed. Probably in the in the number five slots. No, no. There you go. He got it. E of them. Which which, in the words of 100 no, this was the least worst the least Worst e. I’ll let you guess at what you think I laid. I lay the groundwork for you. E led the horse of water.

Now just take a drink. What do you think? Number four and give her the four. That or less if you number one. Well, I already know what number one is, but we’re working backwards. Yes, okay, but we’re 54 so out of the next four. Manipulative, dishonest, narcissistic and judgmental. What do you think fell in the fourth category? How about I just I think the worst would be narcissistic. Oh, man, Yes, Ugo Obvious is just like the worst personality trait world e o He’s not gonna give me Oh mammal on Earth number four Design it.

I’m gonna help you guys. That e o dishonest, judgmental, manipulative narcissist. There, Ugo people, You know people G o. Alright, so let’s get to your test. Well done. So you guys took the personality test. I want I want to hear what you what? You came up. Let’s do I got here we go Bubbles e got please for you. You took You took that this personality. So we have d I s C. You know me pretty well. What would you say is my primary and my my top two.

I’ll let you get him out of order. But what do you think my top two are? Um, let’s see. Yeah, I’m gonna say you’re you’re in. I s That’s what I’m saying. Where’s the dignity? Yeah. Come on. You’re totally in. I s e did say I s all right. Just so you know. Hey, Brian s E. That’s correct. Just my top one is the I the inspiring and my next one supportive. So here’s what that means. I’m people, people, people, people, people. People care less about getting the task done.

We could go out to do a task. And if I had fun with the people all day long and we got nothing done, I went home that night and I’m satisfied we had a good day. E could see that. So, what were years, Jason? What do you think you pick may? Oh, jeez. That’s a tough one, man. I would I would lean. I would lean you in the e. I think your task oriented. I haven’t been enough around you at work to see. Um to see if if you’re mawr, d or C But I would say I would say one of those would be the primary.

You lean towards task. Yeah, people, people next. But I couldn’t tell you that. Yeah, you Pretty much now. So I’m a d s like on d s. Not like I mean, those were dead. Even ds, like those were neck and neck and neck right there. Yeah, that is that is that’s rare. Ugo e how I did that. I see how you do that. I said rare instead of weird. Yeah, I I appreciate that. I’m trying to help you out. But then when I came back and told you how I said, instead of you work that and I get it it supportive.

So here’s Here’s why the D is dominant as the supportive. So they’re a little bit push pull these characteristics So the D is dominant, which means task over people and fast paced. So I’m gonna go get stuff done. I’m gonna get stuff done. But the ass is like, slow down and care about people. Yeah, so and that is me. There is a like when I’m at work and things need to get done. That’s it is full steam ahead. We’ve got to get these things done. You know, a very task oriented as far a checklist.

Let’s get this done, you know, structure with that. But yeah, when we’re dealing with, like the Prison Ministry, things like that, when it’s people, it’s definitely slowed down. Listen, you know it, Z It’s like the Jekyll it s Oh, yeah, let’s pull that into marriage. So how does that affect Lisa? Have you noticed conflict in the marriage? Based on the fact that sometimes you’re focused on getting the task done and let’s go on, let’s go. And then other times you’re more you’re more relational. That could cost confusion sometimes.

Yeah, for sure. I mean, we’re in a unique situation where, you know, we work together. So, you know, besides the time I make her weep at work, I mean, it’s fine. No, I mean e we we’ve learned to balance that, but me personally, I have to I have to be mindful of. I can’t just react like I know what I would just react. I have to be thoughtful about my tasks. If that makes sense, so Sometimes you have to slow down, down, remember, make myself slow down.

And what? Yeah, exactly. Cool. While I’m gonna want to come back and think about what Lisa is your wife, and then we’ll come back and talk about the differences. But toy, What do you come down with? All right, so I am Disease E. I am I n d. All right. Come on, Come on, Come on. Knuckle punch to the eyes in the house. You are gonna have a party. Yeah. Just wanna have fun. Sorry, j a task or you’re not calling you bro. A party. Yeah, so I And in D second, you see that those fit together a little better because they’re both fast pace.

Whereas Jason, you are one fast one slow both the toys while one’s task and the others people. But they they’re a better fit. Better in meaning. They go together a little better. Not that she’s better than you. Better fit because of both fast paced. So toy is always gonna be moving quick. Quick decisions don’t like. Don’t try toe. Sit down and give all these details and, uh, killing her over here. Let’s move it. Yeah, I could see that. You see that? And Ahmad is d mostly mostly.

So you guys probably see pretty well I i When you’re trying to get stuff done as a couple and you’re trying to make decisions and you’re trying to get going, there’s probably not a whole lot of slow down conflict over that kind of stuff because you both try to move fast and you’re going. Yeah. I mean, as far as Lisa goes, I mean, she’s totally Anesi for sure. Yeah, eso She’s slow and slower. Yeah, Yeah. Zafar. I didn’t say that, baby. He said that? Not mentally. Lisa, you are sharp as a tack.

That’s it? Yeah, she’s thoughtful. I mean, there’s more. There’s more of the the thoughtfulness, the organization stuff in that then that I have especially at work when I see that. Yeah. Yeah. And so, like, I’m an I s But my s is always going to bow down to my eye because I’m gonna have fun, no matter what. So don’t like if one of push comes to shove the eye is killing the s stupid. Have some fun. Yeah, it’s a whole different ballgame, but But Jill’s a CS, which is slow and details.

She is so like like she really a C is so focused on rightness that she’ll agonize over perfection on something. And I’m just like because I’m not task Korean. I’m just like it ain’t worth it. Like, let’s just go for me. You know, if I’m gonna sort of like in school, right, If I could spend eight hours and get a 95 or I could spend like three hours and get 88 I’d be like, bro 88. Here we come like the extra. The extra time and effort is not word. I still want good.

I still want excellent, but but the gap between, like excellent perfection on a lot of things is just not worth it. Let’s bring this into Let’s bring this into marriage. Parenting. I could see you parenting that being, uh, being a back and forth a little bit. Yeah, because so I’m so focused on people right in the relationship. So at the end of the day, like at some point, okay, let’s let’s quit arguing the details and let’s just relate. But when you got kids, Jill’s focused on the rightness and so if she thinks the kid’s air lying, she’s gonna ride that horse until it dies.

Like that’s not true. That’s not like stuck on these details the last time you said 75. But this time it’s 70 and I’m just like, who cares? 70? 75. We still get the point of it, right? I’m just, like, move on. But But it’s just the rightness that’s so important to her that just like you, j being a you’re gonna be focused on results eso for someone to be like, Well, it was just Yeah, man, we had a good time, you know? I’d be like, Listen, Eric, I mean, like, what did you get done?

Dude, I think the team stronger. We’re all getting number. What did you get done? So how do you balance that? How you guys balance that out? You. So, at the end of the day, here’s what you could do in marriage. You have differences. You can judge them. That was one of your top five. Judge them is a weakness. Like you do not wire like meat or something wrong with you on. I think if you’re a Christian and you believe that God fearfully and wonderfully made everybody. You can’t take that stance because now you’re God.

I decided God made you wrong, right? So you can judge it. You could just accept it and deal with it, or you can try to value it. I think we’re at our best with couples when we value it and say, I don’t think like you. So, like for you with Lisa, she’s gonna need a longer time to make a decision. She’s gonna need more details and you’re gonna need, so you can either get frustrated with that. This is ridiculous. I don’t have to explain all this stuff to you.

Like just trust me or you can go. This is important to her. This gives her security. So I’m going to slow down. I’m gonna try to give details to her questions. I’m not going to see her questions is criticism, but she needs information, and I’m gonna slow down to meet her where she’s at, because because there’s a d. You’re gonna miss some stuff and she may be in detail oriented. She may see some things you didn’t see, and you can value that. And I think you’re stronger together So do you see?

Like like the SS right? In that you see a Sfar is problems, maybe a weakness with the as being like, like to forget, like your to accepting sometimes or your to forget your gullible A lot of the eyes going to be more gullible than eyes air. You’re optimistic, like me. I always think there’s a chance, you know, like the dumb and dumber. So you’re saying there’s a chance I’m always gonna believe the best in somebody like they could screw up five times. And I’m like, Well, this time they might get it.

So ISAF will be more taking advantage of the problem with the S is is because they want to get along and they love team. So a lot of times, they won’t speak up until it gets to a point where they’ve had enough And then and then the s and angry s is almost like a d, right? It’s gonna come out of this show, bro. You’re going to see this? See this angry so toy? Have you guys noticed in your relationship just your different personality? So I know you both have a little d and we both have a little, a little, a little differ.

And have you noticed that, Right. So the crazy thing is, Ahmad is like I said, mostly D and but all his others are kind of equal, the other three. And so and I’m looking like for me, the sea is only like 5%. You’re not feeling all the details, like, really, it’s funny to me, but it is so true. It is so true. So I’m glad that he’s kind of all the other are balanced out for him. So I feel like it kind of helps me out. And then I just you know, sometimes I get frustrated, but then I’m just like, Ok, that’s fine.

Let me get frustrated with you. Because he’s like, trying to talk some details about whether the budget or some other things. And you’d be like, Yeah, yeah, that’s probably I’m just like, Well, whatever. What do you do you when you’re getting all these details? What does What does your personality do with those details? Are you hearing crickets? Are you? What do you hear? Wait a minute. Wait. I don’t know if I want to say I don’t know if I want to give it away. But Z e nobody will know.

Sometimes I’ll just be like I kind of might days off a little bit and then I’ll come back and be like, Okay, let me pay attention to this, you know, Or I’ll just be like, Okay, like, let me just in my head. I’m just like, OK, here he goes. I’m like, Okay, let me just try to take in a little bit and then I’ll be like, Okay, that’s I can’t take anymore. But just stand here. It just looks like you get like she didn’t seem too afraid together.

Secrets, details like nails on a chalkboard for me, like someone starts going into too many details. There’s kind of a funny nuance, because my wife would say, I give too much details. But minds like storytelling info like I’m creating the context for the story because it feels better. I’m talking about, like facts, details, spreadsheet details. Dude, that stuff will put me in a coma like I feel like years of my life being sucked away when someone’s like, Well, this column, Plus this, I’d be like, I don’t care.

But when it has to do with people. Then I want to know everything I want to know. Word for word. See, I don’t know how you work without details. I mean, you gotta have. You gotta have a direct I made box checker in this. I got just Okay, I got that. It makes me feel accomplished. Right? So I gotta have these. I gotta have details or subjective Ugo potato potato. There’s a lot. I feel the angry ass coming out. Be careful. Yeah, that’s that’s the problem. So So because my wife’s a c and she’s all about rightness.

I love gray area, man. I could see that’s part of the counseling. Part of me is, I could see both sides to every story, so I don’t care who you are. Whether I agree with you, I can see some validity in your point whether I think it’s the complete opposite. So I’m cool living in gray area. I’m like, Yeah, I could see their side, too. And so you know how that goes over in parenting when I try to explain to my wife that I can kind of see our daughter’s side as well.

00 you’re just on their side, huh? Can see both sides. Are you supposed to back me up? You know, like I just didn’t working very well. Yeah, uh, out. And so what helps us to is a model. Always. He always goes back and just tell me Let’s focus on the roots, not on the fruit. So he understands, but again, because he has all the other qualities as well. So he kind of understands. But my little 5% you know, sometimes I’m struggling e 5% actually, I guess I forgot about that, you know?

But now that I took the test again, you know, you just remember your top two, you know? So now that I see the little five I’m like, Oh, no wonder. I guess I’m so impatient sometimes. And I just days off and I’m just like, uh it was just too much about it. Do you ever do you ever council people and say okay before as you’re dating or whatever, before you get married, take these tests? Oh, absolutely. I mean, I think there’s no right or wrong as faras compatibility eso I know couples that air like exact same personality, and they don’t have as much conflict because they kind of think the same.

But they also don’t have the advantage of each other strengths offsetting their weaknesses. So I think couples that are complete opposites if they can value their differences and work together than the you know the team, the sum is greater than the parts kind of thing. But no, I think it’s important to know, because when you’re going into marriage, you need to know what their personality is and make the decision. Am I willing to do these things slow down to the value who they are? Or do I need to find somebody that just things like me because I don’t have to deal with that stuff?

So I think it’s a vital part of trying to navigate our differences in marriage, for sure. And I would say whether you’re engaged, dating or even married like, it’s awesome to just take the test together so you can just go from there, you know, and just learn each other. But anyway, thank you all for joining us, and if you have any questions, send those into the relation shop at power 77 radio dot com Alright E oh,

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