[THE RELATIONSHOP] Polygamy, Polyamory, and the Other P (Episode #37)

The RelationShop crew discusses relationships seen on reality TV (90 Day Fiancé, Married at First Sight, etc.) and throughout Pop Culture in order to provide good relationship advice that works.

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thing is relation Shop where we analyze pop culture to give you relationship advice that works. I’m Toya. And to my left, I have Eric. And to my right knee. Oh, yes. Yeah. If you have any questions, please send those into the relation shop at power 77 radio dot com. So I got it right today. Yeah, for a chase, you got a way Throw toy off by encouraging her that she got it right. So I want to honor all the first responders, including myself. You wanna U S A Z?

All know, across the country we’ve had the blue Angels doing fly buys, right? So they were here over DFW like company. Oh, yeah. I had to pull over and just looked, But I had a defense ready because when I got my car, I was gonna drive as fast as I can. And then if the Koppel me yours and be like, I’m just trying to be oh, fly by trying to catch up with trying to do something. Dr. I wanted to honor you, bro. So I flew by you at 1. 20.

That’ll work. E heard them. I was actually where I saw everybody running out of my office, the staff and everything that I’m. Then I heard them fly over, so I didn’t get to see him. But I heard him. It sounded cool. I saw a video of it was really cool. They did that? Yeah. So it was cool. So I just remember seeing, um it was what, like six of them and their formation. Eso I saw him coming and I’m like, Oh, wow, I see him. And then they kind of, like, turn.

And then I could see, like, the yellow line on the top of the plane. And then the smoke came out and I was like, Oh, that’s cool. So So while the first responders were out there watching that this first responders was actually working right helping people, I’m glad you guys enjoy your time. And then there’s a yellow pin stripe on the left with, but I’ve never seen them. So my my father in law is Navy s. Oh, that’s how I’ve kind of learned about all these military planes and things.

So we did go to an air show and see, I think the Thunderbirds before so, like that was cool. So This is my first time seeing the Blue Angels. So it was, you know, it was cool. That’s cool. That I’m glad you liked it. So let me let me honor YouTube, which is something I rarely slash. Never do on this show, I’m grateful that you guys were on the front lines risking life and health to help other people appreciate you allow the other first responders as well.

Thank you. And again, if anybody wants to send in any emails or questions or anything comments, please send those into the relation shop at power 77 radio dot com. And we are talking about something really juicy today. It’s just common place. What are you talking about? We’re just talking about three piece of relationship. Everybody is right. What are the three piece? The three piece of relationship are simply pornography, polyamory and polygamy. All right, You know what you guys talking about around the dinner table? A good segue for sure.

We’re having Taco Tuesday and we’re talking about pornography tonight, Z, that’s all. I mean, you know, I mean, you guys should be prepared for this with the shows. You spend half your week watching you know we’re right on track. We do have some really good shows out, right? Okay, Now they’re not on currently, But they’ve been well, no one of them is actually eso sister wives on TLC. The Learning Channel. Hello. That’s where you learned everything. Eso, sister wives has been on for forever. And they also had a show on maybe a couple of years ago with two seasons called seeking sister wives.

I did check that one out. Eso those air kind of the two main streams that I can think of off the top of my head Where is talking about polygamy. But you know, it’s it’s something. It’s something. It’s It’s like they kinda decide that they want multiple wives. They have their different rules that come up with their own idea, and they just kind of go from there. Have you checked any of those out of work? Super good? Yeah. This is gonna work. E I actually haven’t. I mean, I’ve seen bits and pieces of those That’s the That’s the show that I haven’t really the sister wives.

I haven’t really gotten in too much. I feel dirty watching. I don’t watch e sister wives I can’t do I can’t go there. That just It just hasn’t drawn me in. Right? So I mean, I know the concept of it and all that, but I haven’t watched. Ah, whole lot of because. Is that a big? It’s pretty boring anyway, is that way talking like one little sector of the population in the United States? Eso I mean Well, is it legal? I mean, the the answer is no, it is not legal.

And is it a sector of the population? Yeah. A lot of the ones you see on there are They’re actually like the fundamental fundamentalists Splinter break off of Mormonism. Right? Which really Mormonism history Waas. Joseph Smith got a revelation that that’s okay. And then I think second president Brigham Young was told by the U. S. Government You need to not do it if Utah wants to be a state. So I think they got another revelation from God that it was now not okay s so they could be part of the union.

But so mainstream Mormonism no longer practicing it. But I think he’s better. Fundamentalist groups are Yeah, let’s Let’s come back to that. Let’s start with pornography. I’m thinking probably Mawr of our listeners are are currently viewing or are familiar with this than they are with polygamy, probably. So here’s Here’s the real questions. Uh, in relationship in marriage, is it? Okay, so I’m gonna throw out some questions and then we’ll its dialogue about it. Is it okay in marriage? Uh, if both were in agreement on it, if they’re not in agreement on it and one is watching it is that infidelity?

Is that unfaithfulness? Uh, is it okay for one to watch it by himself, but not when they’re together. Is it OK when they’re together, but not by themselves? So what do you guys think about all this? Or is it just okay across the board? We’re consenting adults. I’m gonna do what we want to dio. And that’s what we like. Yeah, my mom listen to this audio, you know? I mean, there Yeah. Von coming here listening more violent. E don’t know, But now my dad’s got Violet. Sorry, Mom.

My daddy’s got a e. Use my parents name. E just lost everything. Eso pornography. You’re opening up a whole big can of worms because e, that’s exactly what you do? It’s either a can of whoop e o e o rail in this whole thing. Yeah, let me stand down. Go for where’s the producer When you need it. Right, man? Cut by exactly, man. Yeah. So you know when you’re dealing with pornography, doesn’t I mean that that to me, that’s a big crunch. I guess couples can use to excuse it that day.

It’s as long as we’re we’re watching it together or I know the other one’s watching it and it spices up because that’s a big argument. Spices everything up, Makes everything better. I started having issue with that just because, you know, now what happens is, you know, pornography grows as faras emotionally and mentally what it does now all of a sudden, what used to dio be a big turn on. Now it’s and and that doesn’t do it for me. Now we’ve got to step up to the next level.

It starts creating starts creating a dynamic that you actually need that kind of thing to get to get the excitement, the marriage, and actually relationship part. It increases your appetite for mawr. Right, You go and then you get to a point where it’s never enough, right, so that it’s an unhealthy way. Thio add spice to the marriage That’s my take Jason’s Take about your soil, you know, it all starts in the mind, right? So I just feel like when you introduce that like Jason said, you’re introducing all these thes thes fantasies and these expectations and all of this.

And now you’re expecting your partner toe look and act like these ideas that have come from this person on the video, you know? So it’s just kind of the beginning. It’s kind of the gateway of of all these other things that could happen in a marriage. So ah, lot of people feel like, Hey, you know, we’re going to do it together as long as we’re okay with it and it’s safe because it’s safe in this environment. But, man, I don’t know that’s just dangerous. So just soothe The question is, Are you okay?

So if the spouse says, Yeah, it’s okay, you can watch pornography, but strip clubs where you actually see them live is that is that you can it gets gray and so there’s no way you could do that. So now you’re opening that up to now? Well, now they’re going to sneak in during their lunch break and just not tell you. You know what I’m saying? Or just when you’re out of town and just not tell you and it’s like, Well, hey, when we’re together, we’re gonna do it together.

But we’re not. Hey, I’m gonna go ahead and just sneak off a little bit, you know, because then it causes an addiction. Well, I’m just going out on a limb here and saying that probably a lot of this. A lot of the pornography movies, you know, there’s a lot of crazy stuff going on, like extra partners and all this kind of stuff. And so again, what you’re saying it starts putting some ideas that may not have been there before. And, um, it can lead you down a bad road.

Eso you’re saying? No. So I’m saying no is what I’m saying, Case. You didn’t catch that. What? Ma’am? Violet are going nuts. The What’s the Bible say about that, huh? What’s the Bible thing about that? No. What’s the Big Bible says? Oh, yeah. Second, Corinthians 25 says No, just plain old. Exactly right. Why don’t you tell us what you came out with? Some Bible one time, so I yeah, for God so loved the world. I got that one. Yeah. No, I mean, it’s It’s the whole lusting thing, right?

I mean, so you know, when you start lusting in your heart, that lust starts to create. I mean, that’s what that that that opens the door for Send the creep in. Sure. Is that sure? Just know. You guys, I think anything you begin introducing into the bedroom, Andi, especially with pornography. If if you read all the literature on it and how it affects you neurologically and you know, arousal releases dopamine in the mind. But the problem is that erotic images release more dopamine than sex with your familiar partner. Right?

So they call it like arousal addiction, where you always need something new and novel because the brain is now craving that something new. And it as with anything, as with, I think we talked about it before, but bringing in toys or all kinds of other stuff, you always have the danger of setting your relationship up in such a way where you know you now have toe have something added to it. In order for you to to enjoy intimacy and connection together. It’s not good. And then his Toia said, Then you start doing it on your own, and if you’re doing it on your own, you’re usually gonna finish it off. Right?

So then now we’re introducing a whole new topic in his masturbation. Okay, In in relationship. You guys think about that one. You take this just about. I gotta go. I’ll be right back. Uh, well, when you’re married, that should be. You should be together. So it’s kind of the same thing. You know, it’s it’s the same thing. Like when you whenever you’re because, I mean, what are you thinking about? Right. So then where is your mind going If you’re masturbating? What if you’re thinking about your spouse?

Well, then you need to just wait wait for them to get If you’re watching a video of you and your spouse, does that count? That’s a good question, but I still say you need to wait. Yeah, we Oh, what if I’m deployed for three months? He told me. That’s why I said Ugo deployed for three months and I can’t be around my spouse. Is it okay? You said the word you’re saying it’s not okay? Well, I got a question. I got another question. This one’s probably for bubbles.

A question E 15 minutes. Let’s go. Bible, What does the Bible say about masturbation? It doesn’t. It doesn’t. Not that I’ve seen. Well, okay, so it talks about, Okay. So again, we get into the lusting and we get into heart issues. Does it talk about the act of masturbation? Is there a verse that says thou shalt not masturbate? No. But you’re saying it does talk about what’s in your mind, the things you think on and lusting. And you’re saying I can’t really masturbate without lust ng, so that would bring it into the same category.

But that’s where because most people like to go to the Old Testament. Genesis 38 story about Onan eso. If you know that story, you see it’s in there. But that’s not that has nothing to do with masturbation. That is disobedience to the mosaic law at the time, because the dude’s brother died. The law said you had to give your brother’s wife a child, and so it says he disobeyed that by every time he was with his brother’s wife because Brother died. He was following the law every time.

He would basically pull out in Spill A. C because he didn’t want to create a kid that would not be hiss. So that was disobedience of the law. That was not a masturbation passage, right? So which totally agree with that. But the lusting thing Can you lust after your wife? I mean, is there left with with your wife? That’s the whole that’s a whole new one. There you go. And is it lust to fit your wife? Or is it just enjoying? Is it just, you know, some song of Solomon stuff where I’m just I’m just joyful in the wife of my youth and her long gazelle like neck and bosom and all that kind of stuff?

Here, here’s another one. How do you handle this one? So if if people weren’t supposed to do it, why did God not make it so? They can’t Have you ever tried tickling yourself? You can’t tickle yourself. It’s not funny. I could tickle under my arms all day long. It doesn’t tickle. So what way Just made it work. Didn’t work, right? Why wait? Officials in here, we’re gonna have a YouTube channels. How these visuals going on? He’s gotta wonder about that sometimes. Uh, that’s one of those unanswerable questions, but I just you know, you can’t tickle myself.

Why can you do that? I can’t tickle myself. That’s true. Okay, I never thought about that, but that’s true. But eso when you stay on this all day, so our conclusion is biblically bringing pornography. You do a relationship is sin. It’s lusting. It’s not fleeing sexual immorality. It’s not doing all that kind of stuff, and it can lead to other stuff, which is we need mawr. We need extra can lead to the person going off on their own. Masturbation, which obviously is taking just the pleasurable act of sex, which is meant for intimacy, is basically taking the pleasure out of the connection intimacy, part of sex and saying, I’m just gonna enjoy one aspect of what God created out of out of context.

So So let’s let’s I feel like we’re just taking a step deeper into the water. Now wake up chest. Let’s talk polyamory even. Is that people are like, What in the world that is open marriage or swingers? Swing way with whoever. Whenever you talk about swinging, swinging I know some things What you know about swinging Jason e personally in there with you. You know, I personally haven’t experienced that, but I know some things about swinging. What s So here’s what I got. Now, since we’re doing pornography, we’re doing open marriage.

We’re doing polygamy. This is my pop. 55 my pop. I hear radio keep to my roots a little bit. We’re gonna do this kind of Jeff Foxworthy style. You know your neighbor might be Yeah, Ugo. All right. So number five you got, you got sound effects. Now, look, came with this whole entourage. My, but just one of 10 people behind. That’s exactly right. Alright, so here’s number five. If you notice your your neighbor wearing a solid black ring on the right hand, they might be a swinger. What you got?

Lead your I don’t know nothing about What’s this? Right? Hands. Just take one big switch to the right side, brother. Alright. Is that is that like a sign or is that a shot at me? No, that’s a legitimate. I’ve never known that before. Be careful. Legitimate sign. I’m gonna start checking my neighbors on. I shake their hand s next time we go toe Life group, we gotta check for this. All right? So if you go up to your neighbor’s door and you notice the traditional knocker has been changed out for a pineapple knocker pineapple knocker, they might be swingers. Yeah. Really?

What’s the pineapple? Dude, I’m so out of the loop. Pineapple mean? I can’t tell you what it means. These their signals. All of these were just settled. It’s a secret thing nobody throws, like, get it if it was the eggplant. But you can’t make it obvious. That’s the whole thing thing. This is a secret. Thes, a subtle things. I’m still feel so weird next time I’m rolling to Kroger because you already you already got the cove in mask on. And then you’re like at the pineapple stand.

And people like you wonder bro, I just like fruit man. Exactly. All right. Number three eso when you’re going up to your neighbors to your neighbor’s door and you happen to pass this garden gnome on the front porch be a swinger garden. Our garden gnomes that on the front porch. That’s a really Yeah. Pineapples and garden gnomes. You. It’s garden gnomes have been around forever. Lots of people have those. Well, they’re Ugo. You’re behind on the times. Lots of people. E s so awesome. Dude, This’ll has given me all kinds of frank ideas, just so you know.

Oh, great. I’m sure they’re coming my way. Right. All right, number two, But no manure tomorrow. Really be like what? Yeah. Then I’ll have people showing up on my door. All right, Number two, let’s go. Number two. All right, So if you’re shaking your neighbor’s hand high fiving them whatever. And you happen to notice they’re wearing this little bracelet with two male signs to female signs that air interlocked might be a swinger. That ain’t a W w J d bracelet. I That would be an indicator for me and be like, bro.

That’s a weird bracelet, Ugo. I don’t spend this much time. There you go. So number one here’s the number one. You’re ready for number one s. So if you or out to dinner with your neighbors and your neighbors said can you passing us? And there ain’t no almonds on the table who might be a doing asking nuts eyes that really happened? Or is that like a Jason original? Oh, I’m so confused right now out of I don’t even know. She just wrapped the show up with E O. Thanks for that.

I’ve never known anybody, so I gotta shake my neighbors hands check out their doorbell knocker thing I e. If they like pineapple and there’s much it’s a lot and welcome to the world. That’s why I’m back in the world just behind the house. I don’t even see my neighbors. I don’t wanna know eso that And that reminds you. Yeah, I mean, I thank you for that. It reminds me of a movie I watched recently on Bt Open, and it was kind of about a couple that was married.

They’ve been married for, like, maybe 10 years or something like that. And they really The wife noticed her husband always looking at women when they walked by. And she had a friend who actually admitted to her that her and her husband had had an open marriage for, you know, so many years They were just like after, like, 10 years or so. They were getting bored and they wanted to go ahead and have an open marriage. And she’s like, Well, let’s try it So she wouldn’t talk to her husband was like, Look, would you be happy with this?

And he said Yes. And it broke her heart a little bit because she was hoping he would say No, absolutely, Let’s do it And But they went on and did it. And, you know, long story short, you know, it didn’t work out. He ended up having to many women. She ended up being with somebody and had emotions for him, you know, And then they eventually had to decide to cut it off and really work on their marriage is what they had to do in that movie. But just the fact that the movie was on just lets you know like this is something that a lot of people are looking at to do, especially if you feel like you’re getting bored in your marriage, like let’s just bring somebody else in, but we’re just gonna make up our own rules as we go, and just as long as we know what’s going on.

Then it’s gonna work. So there’s some people doing that right? And and obviously we’re in an age where genders, fluid, sexual relations, air fluid. But what do you think that does to a relationship to to open the borders like that and allow relationships with other people? Oh, gosh, like insecurity. Trust. The trust is broken now and it’s you. You wanna act like you’re okay with it, but deep down, you know you’re crushed. Yeah, sure. I mean, look, everything we’re talking about boils down to one thing. It’s how it pleases me.

And right there, you’ve already turned it into a me which is not what marriage is about, right? I’m putting me first. And so when you already jump into that, that area where you’re just talking to start thinking more about me. Me, me first you’re setting the stage for this thing. Thio start developing deeper. I’m like we’ve been talking about. And so emotionally, there’s just no way that you can be in this open marriage and it not having an emotional effect on each other. I mean I mean, come on, a za guy, you’re gonna be going Okay, Wait.

Is that person better than I am? You’re gonna stare some comparison thing now. I’m self confident shot, and now you start worrying about that. And so I could see almost where the sexual intimacy between husband and wife starts getting a little weaker. Because now you’re It’s not about the it’s not about the relationship. It’s now about the act of sex, and now I’m second guessing stuff, and now I’m losing some confidence, so well, sure, Golden damage. We talked about pornography like there’s chemical things that happened when a husband and wife have sex with each other, the dopamine being released, the you know, other hormones that are released that caused people to bond together.

And so that’s why you know, pornography and masturbation so tough, Because now I’m having all these releases and bonding to an image that’s not really, which makes it tough to bomb with my spouse. So when you start but bonding with multiple people, it’s gonna loosen. Ultimately, the bomb with your spouse. And, yeah, there’s just no way that you could be fully invested in fully vulnerable and and fully trusting, and then have your spouse being with somebody else and in our cause problems. And don’t think I don’t think this is, uh this is a thing with your neighbor across the street.

I promise you, in churches it’s in there, right? I promise you, in churches it goes, you’ve been going todo don’t be naive. That’s true. The knight’s true, very true. And so it also reminds me of just going onto that next step. So if you’re if you’re okay with open marriage, then you’re okay. Some people will be okay with Okay, let’s just do polygamy and let’s just do it our way. So we have. We know that there’s a certain sector of the Mormons that believe in it, not the general population of Mormons.

But there’s the other Mormons that believe in it. And something I just found out is also the traditional Muslims, um, still believe in it and still practice it today. However, um, I did. I met someone that’s Muslim, and we, me and her really talked about this because she really believed in and that her and her husband did not practice it. But she told me she was open to it and even asked her husband like if you want more kids, then you know I’m good, like you could get another wife and I said Open.

Yes, I’m sorry. Open to polygamy. Yes, and I was like, How is that? Go ahead? Doesn’t seem like polygamy is always the one dude in a bunch of women. You never go the other way. That’s what I want. Multiple husbands. I’ve never you know, because to me. And she just said, Well, you know, it’s in the Bible and I said, Well, it’s in the Bible, but that’s not how God designed it. True, they believe that That’s a good question, though. You know you have some people that don’t understand context, right?

They dio looking Old Testament man. David did it. Solomon David’s a man. After that, you know eso You got to remember that the Bible reports history, which does not mean it’s endorsing the action. Here’s what you will. Here’s what you will not find in the Bible a situation where someone have multiple wives or concubines, and it went well. Think David. Think so. Think Jacob. You could just line them up just because the Bible records it does not mean the Bible’s endorsing it there. It’s a history book as well as having principles and promises and commands and that kind of stuff.

So people love to get in there. Oh, yeah, it’s in there, but it’s never commanded on. And in the very beginning, when relationships introduced God said Adam and Eve and the two will leave their mother and father and cleave And what God joined together let no one separate. So the idea was one man, one woman, period, right? And I asked her, You know, like what makes you know you also polygamy different than what I see on TV? And she just said, Because we have rules to it.

Number one rules is there can only be four, no more than four other wives. And we cannot have it off E five too much. They cannot live in the same house. There’s no way they can. They cannot live in the same house. Actually makes semi sense. Yeah, and the husband has to be able to spend the equal amount of time with each household. So they have to work that out. Why? Husband would want that burden, bro. E. I guess he could just leave every time, though and it’s like, Hey, go, Oh, I gotta run.

So how do we know like talking about feelings? Got Hey, honey, number one, I’m going to house number two and he goes to the club. How did they know? I mean, you know that he’s going over Well, remember, they’re very religious s right. So, you know, they kind of honor that over which that’s different than that Sister wives, because they live together. You live together. They have the craziest thing. Yeah, you know, we take turns different nights. He’s with different people. Those Yeah, dude, those women. You could just watch that show and see the heavy burden and the disconnect and the stuff that comes with that.

There’s just not Hey, looks like your school. But there’s just not joy for those with your friends. Say, where did she say why she believed in it? What made her start believing? Was it just a religious thing or what? That was it. Just a religious. She converted to be a Muslim at the age of 15. There from the U. S. Where they’re from, they are New Jersey. All right, interesting cultural things. I could see some of that No, but American grew up Baptist Baptist and then converted and became a Muslim.

And because it’s a part of the religion, she just said, You know, this world doesn’t teach it but it’s in the Bible and it’s just a part of the religion and it’s in the Bible. That’s what she kept saying it. I’m just like, OK, but you know what? I just you know what I told her. I just said, You know what? But isn’t that awesome? Because you and your husband didn’t practice polygamy like you offered it to him and he said, No, I said, So isn’t that a good feeling that your husband said You’re pretty much enough?

And then she said, Yeah, it is. So I’m just like, Okay, then we talked on about her friends that are actually living the polygamy lifestyle. But we’ll have to get into that another day because I was curious what that was like for them because I can’t. I’m not sharing. Yeah, that’s it. He’s all yours. That’s it. Until he burns the spaghetti and then maybe maybe e Wait just won’t eat e o. But anyway, so thank you all so much. for joining us on this show. If you have any questions or comments in those into the relation shop at power 77 radio dot com Keogh.

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