[THE RELATIONSHOP] Common Law vs Marriage Law (Episode #32)

The RelationShop crew discusses relationships seen on reality TV (90 Day Fiancé, Married at First Sight, etc.) and throughout Pop Culture in order to provide good relationship advice that works.

Be sure to send in your relationship questions to TheRelationShop@power77radio.com.

New episodes Tuesday at 8 AM CST. Tune in at Power77Radio.com.

Listen to The RelationShop on Power 77 Studios | Apple | Spotify


This is the relation shop where we analyse pop culture Teoh give you relationship advice that works on Toya and I have Jason and Eric and our special guest and I appreciate it. Let me comeback. Last thing this is I’m gonna call this the a macho. We’ve talked a lot about this. Today’s I’m excited for you to be here. Thank you. Now, for any questions, you’ll be shortest in those into the relation shops at power 77 radio dot com, and we’re gonna change it up a little bit. Instead of our listener question, I want to give some shout outs So that way we don’t need you today. Broke.

You wanna go grab a drink or coke? A couple weeks ago, I put out a question on the relationship on r I G pays the question waas Do you think the man or woman role in a relationship is fading away? What do you see? A little I g Well, did you get answers or we wait. Wait. Now we got Samantha here, but first I’m gonna here, which I’ll think about the rules. Does it say that one more time for me? I tuned out something. Man Woman relationship.

Jason Terry O. Do you think the man or woman role in a relationship is fading away? I think it’s changing. It’s changing for a variety of reasons. Obviously, it’s gonna change some with culture, period, right? So different cultures require different things we start talking about. I’ve been doing history with my daughter online, you know, covitz so right. It’s been been forcing stuff online over the past month, but I’ve been doing some history, right? And so I learned about the Industrial Revolution again. And so you know, that changed women’s rights and all that kind of stuff.

So, yes, I think the role is going to change over time. My question would be, when is it changing for positive reasons and because culture and different things like that and when our people changing it out of pain and fear is probably not on that to piggyback on that. My question is, what kind of roles are we talking about? We’re talking about biblical rose that’s different than just women allowed to do things they haven’t been able to do or something like that. So so what I’ve seen is like when you’re talking about biblical rose that God given biblical rose.

And you see a guy start to do kind of ah, biblical role. What? Ah, what a woman should do and vice versa. There’s increased tension that creates stress in that. So depends on what kind of role you’re talking. Well, that s Oh, so really, we could peel all the way back to Genesis in the garden because yeah, right. God created man. And then he created woman out of man. And and she was to be the word is a tzar the helper protector, that kind of stuff. So should be Woman’s like a bro.

I got you. The helper has arrived. Let’s go. But But then the Bible also shows us that the fall then the relationship of man and women moved from mutual support to a rivalry for powers. What is what Jensen says? So that role changed way back then. If we want to go biblical, so yeah, I don’t know for going biblical or practical. I think it was more practical, but I appreciate the biblical a lot. You have thio thio more for practical way. So go ahead. I mean, no, I just think that It’s foolish, just foolish.

I just think a man should be the man and woman should be the woman. Traditionally, what does that mean? Okay, responsibilities doesn’t necessarily mean man woman role. You know that you could do whatever responsibility you want to do. But I just think there’s a role that a man plays, and I think that should be preserved. Your Children would go all right. Like, for example, I was watching like watching this movie the other day, and the man sacrificed himself for the woman and child, and I just feel like in this culture, they would have been upset because the man sacrificed himself.

And it would be like, Why can’t the woman sacrifice herself instead of the man that the man in the child live? You know, that’s why I got this question from like, Is it fading away? I’m thinking, Are they talking about the actual role of a man like the role of a man that not responsibility to provide, like security protection, to open doors for a woman and stuff like that? It’s like if you open up a door for a woman nowadays is like No, I will be sexist exactly.

I open up my own doors now and I think you’re opening up my door. I’m good, Thank you. Hey, that’s how I take it And thats like I think I don’t know if it’s fading away, but I think is being attacked. And I think what People are responding to our responsibilities. But I think that question really is a little bit deeper than within what was not. So what you’re you’re saying is like maybe household duties and items can are are easily interchangeable, toe like like if my wife’s better with numbers and budget that I don’t have to be the finance guy, right?

But at the end of the day, if biblically, the husband’s called to lead Well, if you just so so you look in Genesis, what God created. And then if you read Ephesians five were Paul’s talking about. He’s got like, 8. 5 verses on the husband’s role in 3. 5 verses on the wife’s role. There’s a lot more pressure on the husband lay his life down for his wife to love like Christ loved the church, all that kind of stuff. So there is a higher burden. Responsibility wise for the husband is a tiny how this ride.

You can throw in some biblical, but I can’t throw it going. I just gotta sit over top five Bible verses with This is Go Well, Okay, so let’s get to some of these comments. So that’s what All right, Miss Ruthie Matchmaker, she said. Yes, I believe so. Holding onto those roles is outdated and can lead to the continued perpetuation that women belong in the kitchen and that men are stronger than women. I can change an alternator, and my husband helps in the kitchen. Often. It should be a team with one filling in the gap to help the other when needed.

That’s responsibilities. I’m OK with that. Yes, that’s fading away way, but But the way she said it, where the woman’s just got to be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen, you know that that again is talking about society changing now where women didn’t used to have the ability to work in an income like a man. Come, you know, back in today, women couldn’t own property. They were dependent on it. So, yeah, there’s not the same need for dependence, but Sometimes we swing the pendulum the other side.

And so I’ve talked to people who the woman sitting in office saying I was raised by my mother and grandmother. So we’ve already seen we don’t need a man and they told me that you only need a man for love. And if he’s not loving, you get rid of them. And so that’s a whole different independent swing of I don’t need you for nothing. I could do everything a mile on that, you know, You kidding that with Leslie and changing the alternator now, like me, You don’t do the plumbing.

Don’t wear that. That’s what it is. It’s like I’m the guy that doesn’t do the typical guy stuff like I don’t I don’t cut my own lawn. I don’t do I don’t fix my own car. I don’t do any of that. Cut your life. I hire someone to come on like e. I have someone come clean my house to like. Toy doesn’t have to do the typical woman doing. She doesn’t have to cook all the women right now. It turned into their man. So that s I mean, I guess my argument is just like if she tried to take my role awake.

That’s how I’m taking that. Like, I still have like, ah, voice in my home and for me this to hear this question. And they’re saying, you know, are we taking the man and woman Rosa fading ways like like like we was watching that Madam C. J. Walker movie and in a couple of weeks ago and they were talking about how it was showing her having dominance over her husband on that was being celebrated. You know what I’m saying? And I just feel like I don’t know if, like, that’s what I took This question to be is like, Is that fading away on?

And I just feel like isn’t fading away because of wounded it. Now I’m I’m of the belief I don’t care who you are that that I think most women would love to Being relationship with a man they know is is gonna protect, provide security, provide financially cover them, take care that you can talk about being is independent as you want, but who would not want that level of love and sacrifice for somebody. But I think the problem is because they have not had that. And instead you have the domineering.

You do what I say. I’m demanded it all this mis interpreted biblical headship. Now we’re swinging and revolting against that, which is an unhealthy switches. Well, I just know that this is, like the longest answer we’ve ever given in relationship history. Question. It is actually not. You’re just bitter because present. I want to say before we wrap up, though, that I do blame men in general for the for the for the hiccup that we do have in society do because they’re not being healthy, domineering. Their self saw that That that’s not true. Headship. Exactly.

That’s not Lay your life down for your wife. Right? So this is more like a, um Is this backlash? Yeah. All the thousands of years of how men been mistreating women and women of the rightfully. So a fed up in their movements, it birth, the movement is gonna knock you out. Okay, look, Daisy, Daisy, just trying to be relevant over you’re still part of the team because opening question does not mean you’re out. I still feel a little jaded. Backlash. Let’s talk about our topic for the day today, and this is another reason that we got the one and only a moderate shot way.

Want to talk about common law, marriage versus legal marriage, right? What? What is the difference between those who just common Law Mary and those who do the legal marriage route? One of the pros and cons? Because we live in a world right now where, like we say this, I think common law is a backlash to marriage, not done the right way. And so let’s create something new. As with everything these days, civil unions and everything else is just well, you ain’t getting this marriage thing. Rights were coming up with our own stuff.

So let’s let’s define for the people what’s common law versus legal marriage. And then let’s talk about him. People say common law anywhere. Just eso live together. Yeah, so let well, let me rephrase that their common law marriage. I think there’s 12 states that still recognize a common law marriage that it becomes legally binding after one of them. Yes, Texas is one of them. Yeah, So some people think it’s like, Hey, you always hear, man, if you’ve been living together seven years of your common law has nothing to do with the length of time.

Length of time is a factor, but it is a length of time, plus people starting to share some things like they would in marriage houses, bank accounts. And one of the terming factors is they’re actually referring to themselves as husband and wife around other friends. So it’s a number of factors that now put somebody in the category of common law. And once this recognizes common law, then it does have some legally binding ramifications. It’s not all the exact same is being legally married, but but it’s real similar.

They actually do have to file a petition of divorce to break up the relationship. So that’s what I’m talking about. Common law on a lot of people, hard. But just going that route on Why? Why is the question well in Sorry to cut you off. I’m thinking about two couples right now in pop culture, and and I was actually googling this earlier today, and I saw that it said, like relationship goals And guess what people think is relationship goals like a lot of people. But here’s an example.

Oprah and Stedman. Really? I don’t know that their common law, because I don’t think they actually live together. But they’ve been together since, like 1983 year 1986. Something like that. 24 they together since the 19 eighties on after about a year and 1/2 or two years of dating, he did propose and she said yes. But then after that, she just said, You know what? I want to focus on my career. My show is number one, cause she they just started dating right when her show started. So they met before the show started.

So anyway, that’s when she said she realized that she knew that she wouldn’t be able Teoh live up to the expectations of being a wife and a mother. So that’s why she said, I’m not going to get married because I want to focus on my career. And either you’re gonna be down with that or you’re not. And he was just like a I love you. I’m gonna be down for your shows number What? I’m down. I mean, but I don’t know if that would be really told that single life with the best life right let me for her, right?

But I mean biblically, biblically like living together. But there we don’t know that, but we know that they’ve been together for over 30 years. We know that they do sleep together sometimes. So you know that. But they do it right. It will be considered common law because they are living like maybe not. If they’ve never referred to himself, his husband, they don’t necessarily share anything. They just But what real like is a long term relationship where you haven’t seen any mess. I think that’s why someone that’s why I wanted to bring them up, because if people are looking at them like relationship goals, But are you like living like Oprah?

Are you living like stem? And most people are not. So if you can sacrifice and give in a relationship, then why would that be relationship goals? I see it for them, you know, from what we can see, like we don’t know if they live together or not. But the regular person like it. Should that really be relationship gold here? What I would tell Oprah and Stedman way we do not know in four must like if I was talking to Oprah and Stedman. I would say like you both are like powerhouses in culture.

It’s like, you know, step minutes Like he’s a lawyer, right? By highly respected in law Oprah. We already know, like how great, you know, she is in our world. And I would like, Why would you limit yourself to the greatest level of relationship and commitment? Well, can offer you and they probably have a bunch of answer that they know. Sure, they are not good. But at the end of the day, what it comes down to is either selfishness or fear why they haven’t gotten married. I don’t want tohave to do all the things that marriage requires.

Or I’m scared that if I get married because and I don’t know anything about her family, my mama or my sisters, wherever nobody else has made it and edit it, it s so So I got, I got I got a few questions that you have a top five. Do I have five things that may be my way. Don’t want a whole job. Top five. They’re still bitter by a little bit and jump in there somewhere. All right, so So here’s the question. What would? Just testing the water.

You hear that? We’re just testing the water. Get a C for compatible, compatible, sexually compatible. Whatever. So that’s why people could have why I’m getting married. That’s why I’m cohabitating. So, yeah, jumping on that, we’ll just take these. I’m saying we take these one at a time here. And can you refute? That is what I’m asking. All right. Can you refute it? Know that that’s their reason Is absolutely after to refute anybody. Anybody. Okay, I will be like, That’s a stupid, refuted stupid way. Yeah. Yeah. So how do you How do you respond to that?

Is we’re just testing the waters. That because taking the biblical out of it right. Okay, it makes practically world worldly. It makes sense. Well, let’s just wait together, Right. So now we don’t have to go through the mess of divorce and I’ve got establishes. Test it out first. You let me give you a problem with that. No, I don’t care who does. Somebody give me just testing it out? Yeah, just you and just says, Hey, we just want to test it out. We want to see what it’s like to live together first.

What would you say to them? The only person that can have that argument is a single child. But could I give you are simple. If you have siblings or anything like that, you’ve lived with somebody before. Have you been to college out of roommate? You’ve lived with somebody before, so we’re gonna take it another step. But we just want to see if we’re even compatible. Very this. Are we compatible? Sexually? I always say, I’ll say you are. You’ve been uniquely designed for those parts to fit together.

You will figure it out. That whole combat. But we talked about that before. Do you have compatibility is about intentionality, not chemistry. You figure it out, they all work the same. You figure out what works for them, you can give each other pleasure. You can figure it out. So I actually found the stat that that that living together, that wind up getting married later they 80% divorcing. How long it takes him to get divorce On average, 18 months a year and 1/2 his own. No Statistics have proven for decades that couples that cohabitate are less likely to get married.

And if they marry, more likely to get divorced, right? There’s more likely to be domestic abuse. And there’s more likely if you’ve got kids involved to be child abuse. So take God out of it. Statistically, cohabitating is not a good way to prepare for marriage, period. All right, all right. All right. Go so good as all right. See what you got for this one That we don’t need to get married. Marriage is just a piece of paper. That makes it a way. Basically, we are made. We just We don’t need that piece of paper.

I’m gonna go ahead and go get a snack because a modern I’ve had hours. I know he’s got a 1,000,090. I’ll get a snack. That is the worst thing ever. Because, like I just said about, you know, if I was talking to Oprah, which you never know, she might call me when my my advice, You know, I just think like a marriage and actual legal marriage is the highest level of commitment that you can have on this earth. And and if anyone who does not want to get married, you are limiting yourself from something that is great and everyone, especially in America, you want something that’s great, right?

So marriages that one thing that you can strive for see, the thing is this. If you’re 40 years old, 35 years old and you are at a dinner party for your career and you around your bosses and they all have their spouses, they married for 10 years. Plus, and you’re going to show up and introduce your boyfriend or your girlfriend like come one that’s not going to show me that you want to take your job seriously. I also read Here’s another couple O Brien reading Ryan, Gosling and even Mendez.

So they’ve been together for some years, and they have two kids together. And she says she thinks that would be so sexy for them to be in their eighties and nineties. And she’s like, Oh, this is my boyfriend. No way. 10th grade again. Grow up, Peter Pants. So you still you could be married and still call him your boyfriend? Truth is, you’re married. Say this is my boyfriend were still Dayton. But to me saying husband and wife, this sounds more can work. Honoring is honoring, man like that’s just another level, man like you cannot be little That at all.

Yeah, out here, Ryan. And over. All right, So you’re all right. So? So All right. Living together. It’s gonna lead to marriage eventually. We don’t gotta get in a hurry. We already with you to that. And we did. Statistically, we refuted that. Yeah. Cohabitation is less likely to get married, period. Okay, there you go while you wait for E o. All right. So, economically, things are gonna be better. The money’s gonna be better. Everything’s gonna be better living together, because now we don’t. You know, marriage. Yeah, but those couples don’t come by and bank accounts.

They have, like, your bills and bills, which which creates division, not unity. This whole my bills, your bill, separate bank account. All of this is is practicing the relationship without the boundaries and the commitment, and at least to a bunch of me versus you instead of week. That’s true. I want to answer my own question. I nto question and answer. Okay. I gotta send like I’ve got something. All right, So here’s what was interesting. That a study I was actually done in university in Oklahoma that 70% of the women in a relationship that lived together because they do have several bank accounts.

The women carry 70% of the income stuff because they’re they’re covering a lot in that guy’s had played money. What was interested in? They went on and asked these guys, the men, they asked him, Do you intend to marry this person? They’re like, I don’t know. There were There, Were there were not giving those clear answers. They asked the women Oh, yes, we’re gonna get married pretty soon because we love each other. So I’m even like when you talk about common law marriage, Even to me, it feels like a passive commitment, like we just, like, slowly slid into it.

Like I just been with you so long. I guess we just be married. That’s not I want the person. Look, me and I and go out with you Better, worse, richer, poor sickness, health. And in front of all this community, I’m with you right there, like a different level commitment. Me. Okay, so let me let me flip the script just a little. Yeah, All right. So let’s say like you’re in a common law marriage. It’s still considered a marriage because there’s still some of the repercussions that come from a common law marriage that you receive from an actual legal marriage. Correct. So?

So if someone who is in a common law marriage, I feel like the states air forcing that marriage upon that person, you know, essentially right. So So why would the person who doesn’t want to have the legal marriage I feel like that they need to be married because common law is gonna make the married anyway? And it’s gonna have the same effect? Well, so they I mean, they can’t force common law on you if you’re not acting like it, right? So don’t don’t be sharing bank accounts.

Don’t be putting dual names on house and talk about that situation. So let’s say I don’t want to do a legal marriage. I feel like you know, me and the lady that I’m with, you know, we have an agreement, and I’m like, Hey, we live like we husband and wife and we’re rather just be considered common law, married, then legal marriage. And I’m happy with that. Well, if you’re happy with thing you guys probably a good. But what I’m saying is what we do know is it started with cohabitation.

And we’ve already given the stats on how that is less likely to have a stable marriage. So So you’re already stacking up a bunch of things that say your success rate is gonna go way down right? Right from. But the problem is now I’ve read some of the other day that said, 70% of first time marriages for people 18 to 35 right now starts with cohabitation. Here it is. I’m going in. I’m going. Eso would a common law marriage, even though statistically will be horrible. Whatever. Let’s like no stats. Right?

But that’s a marriage, right? So So if that’s an actual marriage, then with the problem, be to get that person to want to be legally married like, why would I still want to be legally married? You know, despite the stats, because a lot of people who still get married it’s feel cohabit or whatever the word having habitats when you’re trying to ask why that’s you, you’re you’re asking us to give you a reason for why you should go through with a legal like Why? Because if I’m already married and I know, for example, my neighbors, they they did the same thing I did, but they decided to get legally married.

And I’m like, No, that’s for the birds. Me and my lady, you know, we’re just gonna just ride it out. Are you a Christian or not? Like so, should we go Bible or No, you know, I mean, actually, I think people who are not Christians, that’s like throwing pearls to pigs. So let’s not even do that. Let’s let’s say these are Christians help saying that they are doing common law that will publicly better. So then I think for Christians. And if you go back to Genesis marriage, the joining two was always meant to be permanent.

It was meant to be public, and it was a covenant commitment. It was just I mean, they’re leaving the mother and father. They’re becoming one flesh together. So Okay, not okay. Let me ask. Dark Private. Just happening. But let me ask this because some would say that that we had sex. Once we had sex, there were record, right? God is married, so we don’t need to get the license because, God, I recognize. Yeah, but again, that’s that’s one of those, like, circular arguments where it’s like you don’t consider sex to be that you you’re still around sex for whatever you want.

But if this it is a Christian couple, right, right then that’s where were going at it. So it’s a Christian Christian couple. Then they should not be having sex until they get legally married. Okay, so why would they get legally married if it is in the Bible? Having sex makes them married? Because we have an institution now in society that says we should get married in public with a ceremony and and legally make it one, which is why we operate that way, right? And that’s what we talked about, uh, hours, right?

Right came up. We talked about it. The sun went down, we were still talking about it. I think part of the problem is we’re trying to have an argument when you got a lot of Christians that the Christian confession does not match the Christian lifestyle right? And so they’re sitting here going, Well, you know what? We’ll don’t Don’t quote me Bible. If you if you’re not surrendered to the Lordship of Jesus Christ in your life. So now you get well. We’ve had sex, though we’re technically married.

No, you’re That’s called fornication, right? Bible, We’re not operating in the right way. And then we had talked about because this is how I see the marriage loss is like, Yes, I do. I do believe that when you have sex, that is God’s way of seeing marriage. But I also believe that, um that the way that man and women handle sex was inappropriate. So that’s why he allowed marriage laws to come into fruition. See, we can’t see God, spiritual laws. We can’t see his kingdom on earth.

So God has to create something physical for us to see him. That’s why God is always trying to reveal himself to us. So the marriage laws is similar to us being able to see a spiritual law. So since sex is supposed to be so divine and so holy, I actually believe that the purpose of marriage laws is so that we can separate ourselves from those people who don’t know how to a handle sex. So you get married and have sex in an actual legal marriage so that we can see the separation, the holiness of why sex is so important.

So I do believe that sex does bring marriage. But I just think God is trying to show us what marriage really means through sex. And if you do any research on a marriage ceremony, Ah, lot of the parts of it. And what we do mirror the Old Testament blood covenant that people made with each other that was binding because it was done with blood. And so there there is symbolism of the marriage ceremony in the Old Testament covenant. And again, the covenant was not meant to be broken.

God faithfully kept his covers. The whole book of Jose a right unfaithful people, but a faithful god who keeps their covenant. That’s the model of marriage. And I think when you start taking it out of that and living together and just passively gliding into some common law marriage, you’re not honoring what God created in the beginning was. Clearly, God took ive out of Adam, and so their union is really a reunion of one flesh because they were part of the same and then you know, they both bear the image of God another that I Well, I mean, hey, I appreciate the day off.

Only got the for my five. Thank you so much for joining us on the relation. Shoppin for questions to nose into the relationship that power. 77 radio dot com

Leave a Reply