[THE RELATIONSHOP] The Importance of Chemistry (Episode #27)

The RelationShop crew discusses relationships seen on reality TV (90 Day Fiancé, Married at First Sight, etc.) and throughout Pop Culture in order to provide good relationship advice that works.

Be sure to send in your relationship questions to TheRelationShop@power77radio.com.

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This is the relation shop where we take a little bit of pop culture and give you relationship at by some Toya and I have Eric and Jason s. So I was on a I G the other day and posted a question. I think itwas something like, you know, she was great. Yeah. So but I want to give a shout out to some people that were on there and that answer the question. The question was, um should your spouse be in the top five or your best friend?

And yes, we got a lot of really good responses on there and I want to shout out one right now, which is missed, Mrs Underscore Riri 99 man what she said, It’s so funny. So she just said I would also say top five because sometimes my secret I don’t want to tell the spouse. If he’s not in my top five, then we don’t need to be together. And he can go find that girl heavy. Take it, take it all the way. Exactly of anyways, that was That was kind of funny, but for the most part, everybody just said that they thought their spouse should at least be in the top five for sure.

And then in certain seasons, they might be their best friend and number one. So, you know, it just appeared. But what? She has a really got a backup playing. Yeah, back up. It depends on my secret. I agree with the consensus. I think top five is great. Yes, Best friends. Awesome. But, you know, for some people, their spouse may they may not have similar interests in a bunch of areas. Right? And, uh, eso top five school, right? Right. You get a lot of hits on that, man.

We got, like, 40 you know, a little under four. Well, 33. 33 eso, but yeah, but I also want to give a shout out to Janita Spikes. Um, also with Simone, Francis and Ruthie and just some other cool people. I appreciate Child is following that way. I’ll give a shout out little school. I don’t have one. I just That’s good. Yeah, I You also well, boogies breast friend. You got a question for us. Another question for you. It’s a long when, right, So get coffee. Sit back, Relax on this. Okay?

I think that while he’s gathering his thoughts, if you have a question for, email it in to the relationship of power. 77 radio dot com Yeah, all right, here we go. So this one, John from little on him and I can feel John in a little bit. So here we go. My fiance and I have been talking about her six year old son from a previous marriage. She became a little upset with me because I disagree with how she didn’t discipline him on things. I thought she should discipline him on.

Uh, he said, I love this line here. He said, The boy is treated like Richie Rich and we’re two paychecks away from the soup line. I That guy’s lyrical gangster question. To put that in a song is great. Yeah, is that that’s probably at us of rats. All think butchers that there’s a duty. Oh, it’s from Boogie Way. All right, so here we go. Here’s this question. I want to know how I can handle this with my fiancee, to try to avoid an ongoing conflict into our marriage to be a good role model for the future stepson.

There is a hashtag here, I guess a little back story that his biological dad has been in jail for several years and not looking to get out since that sticks. But so, uh, so that he wants to know what to do with this situation. How can we help the guy? What’s going on with John? So to avoid that conflict, that’s a tough one. So I guess Mom feels like she has to make up for the dad not being there by spinning, you know, by getting him all these material things.

So I would say you need to sit down with your wife and figure out why she feels like she has toe do all of this, you know, especially if your budget doesn’t isn’t fit for all of that and then have a sit down with the sun. And just so that way, he’s not like Sandow. It’s your fault now because of you. My mom is not doing this this and this for me. So the first go to your wife and just say, like, why this is not, you know, he doesn’t need all these things we need to be teaching him. What?

Giving saving spending you know, and and just trying to be responsible. So but But what’s the root of it? Why do you think this is? At least before they get married, which is a great thing. And I kind of get this a little bit, you know, going through the divorce. And you kind of want to be sensitive kids. Yeah. At least I had to get to know mind I had to get to know hers. And there is the personality thing. Where, where there’s a give and take there for sure.

Because, you know, leasing those her kids better than I did. So I There were some things that I over time did differently. But you can’t rush in there and go, You know, we’re gonna change your right away for sure. So that’s definitely worth some discussion there. Yeah, What you said is true. You gotta figure out where the back story is on that. Why? She’s thinking the way she is. What do you think she may? She may just be a crappy mom. I don’t know. Hey, don’t be.

I think that at the end of the day, what this guy needs toe have is some clear expectation discussions around how we as a family handle our finances. That better be a discussion and how we as a family are gonna parent. Because if you’re going in here with a different parenting, stop telling you do this. That’s that’s liable to blow up for years to come. If you think you should parent this way, she thinks this way. Oh, for sure. How you and your spouse is going to be at odds any time you try to discipline a kid.

I mean, that’s a set up for failure. So before what’s his name again? John. John. So, John, before you signed up for this for marriage, you two need to have a really heart to heart on. How do we discipline? How do we parent? What? What do we think our kids are entitled to vs need? What are we going to give them and provide forum? What did they I mean across the board sports extracurricular activities. Do you have dinner together as a family? What? Your priorities, And then finances, too.

You better be on the same page if you’re two paychecks away from the soup kitchen. That’s it. That’s what I think. So take your steps on John to take him to the soup kitchen. Say, you know much more of this. And this is where you’re gonna be, boy. Yeah, but most of time people that just are friendless, that motivated, they’re gonna do what they want. They’re convinced they’re going to find Mawr somewhere else. They’re gonna you know, it’s just a different mindset. There’s got to be really don’t know how old John stepson it.

And that’s a big dynamic. Is 5 15 Absolutely. So yeah. Yeah, no, I think I think some serious discussion for sure about what our expectations are before you get in a situation where you’re not allowed to discipline the steps on the rest of your marriage, and it’d be problem. So you know what? You’re also setting the guy up to, because if it’s a son that’s going to hopefully be a dad and a husband someday, So So what? Mama does now you’ve got to set him up to be a father and a husband. Exactly.

And you don’t want him being raised by his future wife. So, yeah, step in their job. That’s good. Yeah. And so, for anymore questions, be sure to send those into the relation shop. That is S H o P. Shop at power 77 radio dot com Also. So here we are. Today we are What are we talking about today? We’re talking about the importance of chemistry in relationships, and that could get nowhere. You know, you got a lot, right? So I already have a problem. Just with the topic. Yeah. What?

Damn. Like, what is it? Even me? First of all, I get chemistry. You would talk about what we think it means and what it could possibly mean. Parlor reason I don’t like it is because chemistry seems so passive. It seems like something that just happens to you. It can mean no control over almost gets this outside fours that you either got or you don’t. And if you do great, if you don’t, you’re screwed. Where say, but but what do you guys think when you think the importance of chemistry?

Could you hear it all the time? What is chemistry mean to you if you have chemistry with somebody? Was that mean? It’s like sparks like it’s unexplainable like Oh my goodness. Some about that person. Well, I’m gravitated to them. I don’t know what it is, is it? So is it Is it physical? Is it emotional? Yes, They got a big wallet, but that’s my problem with K Street. Yeah, I don’t think chemistry exists. I think it’s just one of those things that that’s a term I can put on the stuff.

I’m either attracted to you or I’m not attracted to you or chemistry. Physical attraction in for you. For me? Sure. You like You like when your kid does? You want some answer? Yeah. Hey. Yeah. What do you think is a physical? It’s emotional. What is it? For me personally, it was more of like, emotional. It was more like the mental. It was a little bit of physical, but that wasn’t most of it, you know? But I’m a woman. Like most women can overlook a lot of physical as long as we have a lot of emotional What?

Every way. So many other great women You don’t have to be. You don’t have to be a 10. You know, my man doesn’t have to be a tennis is all the other things. Yours is s stands for another 30 episode. I did look up the, uh, definition of chemistry and a relationship from Wikipedia thing. What it is about what urban dictionary. Let’s go a wiki for so well, she says, in the context of relationships, chemistry is a simple emotion that two people get when they share a special connection.

It is the impulse making one thing. I need to see this other person again. That feeling of we just click. OK, so, see, I’m I’m embarrassed to say what I’m about to say now. Hey, what? But we’re all family. So, um, I actually watched one year shows, okay? Was married at first sight. And I don’t know the names because I’m not in it like a but there was a guy and a girl that India. But I don’t know their names, so But I think he’s like, quote a model That’s OK, but he was like, Yeah, I’m just not I’m just not a try or there’s no chemistry or something, Something like a toy.

You see that? Yeah, my wife was watching it every week you got to do is go sit down next to her, but I don’t know the name. So is that is that in most of them are. Does some of those guys. Obviously, the whole concept of married at first sight is this. Scientists decide quote, chemistry, right? So it’s not a physical chemistry because they have met each other. What they base it on physical. They based it on their religious preference. Basically not all kinds of stuff their likes dislikes.

No, that’s what they base it on. So the experts matched. Think would cause chemist? Yes. And they Yes, they do this full investigation. Go to their apartments, go through the drawers together they get I remember any of the name. Some of those people is just trained right now. They are. So that’s who you’re talking about. You’re talking about Zach and Mindy, and Zach is the model. It’s guy and you know, that’s why they brought him on So he could spend half of the episodes started Model that he’s a model.

He’s a bonehead. But anyway, yes, so they they are the train wreck because what they go through, he agrees of this show. They get married, they go on their honeymoon, and his words were, I’m trying to be attracted to you, but I’m not attracted to you, right? So then they go through all this honeymoon stage of all this and then they get back home and they don’t even move in together because it’s time. Yeah, he wanted be in a different place. Teoh get attracted you by being separate from you, right?

Because he said absence makes the heart grow fonder. So he’s like, he’s using that as an to say, You know, let me let me try to miss her. They were gonna miss her. So I’m still trying with her 14 days. I’m still trying to figure out Can you tell me it? Is he talking about physical chemistry, or is he talking about emotional? Who doesn’t want to admit it? But he’s physically not attracted to her because he even says they have a lot in common. They have the conversation like he said, all of that, but he’s like it’s just something I just there’s no physical attraction, and he just he just wants to be on the show to help his guy, probably honestly, like he’s really killing this career because he’s the guy that he will go through and speak for five minutes and everybody goes, what he just, you know, just a plot your words anyway, so yeah.

Yes, Curiel b shot. Anyway, so it’s not trying to be like a speechwriter, But you gotta understand what the guys saying. No, you know, I don’t know, bro. Don’t talk. Just pose. Which is about what you said you were the better. But I saw your profile picture. Maybe you are better. Uh, yeah. And I can talk. You could You know what they call you of your blue baby feel. I’ve no idea what happened, Hashtags. I didn’t even know what they’re talking about. That’s that one. That’s all right.

So here’s what I got for you guys. So, you know, we’re talking about all this chemistry stuff, and like I said, I’m so confused about this quote chemistry. So I thought you know what? We’re better than to get some good advice or some good, some good, Some good, Some good lines. I guess I should say that Hollywood, right? They get a blind. So I went through a foul, some famous slice of lines. Then we’ll see if you guys know where these come from. All right? Likely the person or No, no, no.

longer will give you multiple choice. I think this is all moving. Let’s movies way. Shouldn’t get it before multiple za competition. Like me against competition movies, by the way. All right, so let’s go with this 1st 1 all right? He saved me in every way a person can be saved. Uh, yeah. I got no clue that. Multiple choice. Beauty and the beast Titanic Ground Hog Day. Slumdog millionaire. Uh, I’m guessing Titanic. That’s what I’m ago Titanic. She stopped. What was the first movie? The first movie’s beauty and the beast?

No, she still every way. Come on, toil, Throw it out. This shows. Okay. All right. Let me go with Slumdog. You got this? Was Titanic even 10 husband trying to cheat. Okay, number two. Here we go. You make me. Well, what’s that say you make you make me want to be a better man. I know this one without multiples. You do? Yeah, you may. I wanna b o t get bonus points. You got Jack Nicholson as good as it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on. Are you saying that moving in, like, 15 years, This was the worst. People. Whatever.

You know, that This was not the Oh, What if I guess the quote before you say, uh uh You complete me? All right. Relax. You’re the answer to every prayer I’ve offered who had already starts bad. You are a song, A dream, a whisper And I don’t know how I could have done this life without okay. Multiple choice, I think what throws me off is your voice. Come on. That’s so trying to make it all. It’s terrible. Boy, you’re the asset. Ever prayed that would help? All right.

With your mobile to it. All right, so the multiple choices the notebook safe haven the lucky one message in a bottle. The car level. Uh, what about phoning a friend where they read, um, breathing to be again in no book Safe. Haven lucky. One message in a bottle message in a bottle book. No book. He’s up. I a chemistry expert. Do. And I got to give him my new nicknames. The Chemist next show. So you come here with Jason Bubbles Fowler and Eric Chemists. Chemists? Yeah, that works.

All right. So you jumped the gun on the other one. There’s no ive or you complete me. Cruz Jerry, my boy. I don’t know if you get this one, you name it, and I’ll do it if you get this without multiple choice. Wait. Here we go. All right. When I look at you, I can feel it. I look at you and I am home with your multiple choice La la Land Marriage story Four Weddings and a funeral are Finding Nemo la la land. I was pretty. Get that pretty quick.

What do you think? Over there, Finding Nemo. It’s name. Oh, hey, Leo had to throw like that’s all guys just softly over. Just called the chemist. Fuji. Yeah. Done. Thank you for this round of Who wants to be a Millionaire way back. Give a good little side note saying when I hear chemistry half the time I hear singles who want sleep around Try to act like they gotta figure out if they have sexual chemistry. Yeah, I hear that a lot. Which that’s just foolishness. You are sexually compatible.

If it’s somebody of the opposite sex because God, major parts to fit. Okay, so let’s take that off the table. You don’t need to figure that out. It’s definitely take if you’re really following God’s plan and both your virgins. You wouldn’t know if you did or did not have it. You will figure it out so that that when I think out off the table, right, here’s the other thing. I think there’s, um I think chemistry is a terrible reason or foundation for marriage. So here’s what Let’s say I put you in a room with 25 Single your single.

I put you in a room with 25 singles. I say you get three minutes to talk to each one of them, and then after 75 minutes, that’s the math, Jason. Three times 25. That is after 75 minutes. Chemists coming out you and I say so are there 2 to 3 that you will be interested in spending more time with. I think immediately you’re gonna be able to pretty easily eliminate probably 22 of them, right and spends more time. So all that tells me is that in your brain, you already had some level of preconceived what you’re looking for in a mate, and these people lined up with it.

Not my problem is everybody who is getting married for the most part, right? Feels like they got some level chemistry with a person. They’re married? Yep. Yet 35 to 40% of marriages end in divorce. So I’m just what? I’m just maybe saying maybe chemistry is probably not the foundation you’re trying to build on. Well, you need to be. I mean, because what you’re building on is you know that you know, when you’re dating, it’s a big show, right? You’re just trying to put your best foot forward. You’re doing that.

And then when you get married, you go on a honeymoon. So you’re spending seven days in Cancun, So of course we get chemistry. E. Yes, sir. Then you gotta balance a checkbook. Taxes. And then the chemistry kind of fate might be by these bachelor and bachelorettes rarely succeed. Could be a like, a little bit different. Yeah, like with our shows are, any day, they’re in vacation mode. Until the person goes to America comes to a miracle or the person leaves, you know, and then all the sudden things fall apart, or I don’t know if you have copped the new show on Netflix.

Love is blind. I just watched that before I came over here. I apologize to everybody who may be listening on behalf of the relationship apologized. Okay. People are able to build the church all day. You’re watching. Love is blind and you’re home. Yes. I don’t know. Yeah, I do Saturday so I can catch my transfer Yesterday I was out of town eyes that weekend. Why did you go out? I was building industry with my wife. Uh, so pretty much. They build chemistry without seeing each other. And then they build so much chemistry.

They’re like, Man, I want to marry you and then making engaged. And as soon as they get engaged, that’s the moment that they’re able to see each other’s face. So they’re they’re in pot there, these high. I can’t see you. She can’t see me, but we can hear each and they flip flopped in different people. And they just start talking to him and they start building have, like that, Like love in the dark or something where you talk. And then they would try to, like, connect, try.

I apologize that you try to pretend you don’t watch tough too. Yeah, but that’s what it So I think you know, cool concept, similar to married at first sight. A little bit, I guess. But except they’re able to get to know each other without taking each other. Yeah, and so then they meet. And it’s like, Oh, am I am I actually still attracted to? Even though I got to know who you are without seeing you Now that I see you, where’s the chemistry and something we have that And then let’s think about arranged marriages like true arranged marriages.

So, like how come from other countries, they’re able to, like, withstand You know what? The foundation there, as you know, us Americans. We want to be happy. We want to make sure the chemistry’s there when it’s gone. We ready to bounce, you know. But then in other cultures they do the arranged marriage, and it’s like it doesn’t matter, like they’re going todo the arranged marriage can’t remember their name from 90 day fiance, but because they had a lot of arranged marriages, I think it has less to do with the person you’re marrying and more that I don’t wanna.

I don’t make Mom and Dad upset. I saw your show. They’re like before the 90 days. Just like that, a 60 year old white woman with the way they were would like some judges. The yes, I could get doing trouble. Parents, profession, right s. So I think that’s more about getting in trouble than it is. Yeah, that’s a cultural societal where you’re not going to split up because it’s frowned upon in the society. They’re not about happiness there about, You know, loyalties like me on this chemistry stuff is what?

What? What’s the difference in in chemistry and sexual attraction or in chemistry? And, you know, we bond emotionally or what? That’s what that’s where I struggle with this word. Chemistry. Yeah, that’s where I would tell every couple whatever you think about chemistry, take that word, remove it and in his place, put the word intentionality. And so let’s look at the sexual relationship in marriage. You singles don’t try to be like Oh yeah, let’s talk. No, not too merry, merry people only. So I think healthy sexuality and marriage is about intentionality chemistry.

But as part of the problem is that you think it’s about chemistry because that’s what the world tells you. An outside of marriage Is that it? A. And then you get married and you get busy and you get tired and kids getting away. And if you’re not intentional and you’re just waiting for a chemistry moment, good luck Gonna have not gonna happen is the same way with connecting emotionally Can you can wait around or you can go Hey, let me go get a book. Five love languages Let me get his needs Her needs book and say, What are your top emotional needs?

If I’m intentional in meeting, um you will feel quote in love with me If I don’t, you will fall out of love with me So what it boils down to is the problem with most of it were most of really marriage relationship, whatever you whichever your in laws dating or marriage or whatever the relationship should be Me giving myself to you. Meaning you come before me. That’s how it happened. So chemistry is more about what you can give to me. That’s how you make me feel like you make me feel.

Yeah, that’s destined for trouble right there. Just starting out. Yeah. I mean, so So, yeah. I mean, that helps. I’d like that you should get rid of that work cause I hate Yeah, let’s swap chemistry for intentionality. That’s that’s our swap out. And I think if you’re intentional in the relationship, then I mean, it doesn’t make for a good song, right? Marvin Gaye’s Marvin Gaye’s been really trying to hold back the feeling here, and I’ve been really, really trying to be a fundamentally intentional I don’t think I’m really gonna part of the show here where he missed an opportunity to sing it out.

Man, come on. You had your day in my lane. E o something that we’ve done it at my house is like, Now there’s, like, no cell phones, no, no TV until maybe like 99 30 off the grid way. I love your work people. My, But now, uh, yes, we’ve been trying todo wouldn’t way trying not to do electron ICS, like in front of in front of prints like email until he goes to bed. So that’s kind of like family time. And then, you know, parents Hey, make sure that there is a lock on your door.

You know, when you have kids that works great for the men, the women are like, Oh, did you hear that? No. Who cares? The doors locked. They can sit out there. Not in the Miller. I know that That I could have skipped 10 years with a counseling in my parents with I just way Quit staring, boy. Daddy! Wrestlin zangbo. Make sure you make time. I just I don’t know. Just just figure out what’s gonna work best. And I know ladies, may I know we are tired. We could we clean.

We gotta take care of the kids. We gotta take care a lot of wait in the seven. I think that’s not the case for most of you, lady way. We’re gonna say it anyway. I was Way shop and work. Yeah. So it’s just like so just still make time. Be intentional. Just I know, I agree. Yeah, yeah. Chemistry is out. Intentionality is the new chemistry ago didn’t help anybody trademark that intentionality chemistry. I do like that Hashtag intention Now the chemistry you’re gonna have ah w copyright trademark.

It wouldn’t 8020 through also with not the relationship we owe. So loathe broke up new directions done on gold. So I think these are the relationship way. Thank you for joining us and for any questions in those to the relation shop at Power 77.

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