[THE RELATIONSHOP] 7 Questions Everyone Should Ask Before Marriage (Episode #24)

The RelationShop crew discusses relationships seen on reality TV (90 Day Fiancé, Married at First Sight, etc.) and throughout Pop Culture in order to provide good relationship advice that works.

Be sure to send in your relationship questions to TheRelationShop@power77radio.com.

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This is the relation shop where we use pop cultures trying to help you with your relationships. Whether you’re dating or married with me, I have Jason. And what do you guys names again? And if you have any questions, please send those into the relation shop at power. 77 radio dot com What’s your way? Get when they came in from Instagram? So shut out to the the program from the ground, right from Simone from Dallas. No. Any moaning? Oh, Mom, what do you got? So she says it is.

Is it okay for moms to not cook all the time? The answer is no. So what’s in there? That’s hard. Barefoot cooks. How many days are there in a week? Seven. How many meals You way, especially for most of us women that work and don’t have a joy of cooking. So I wish, Theo. Then you work and I don’t like why cook is because we have to eat and I want us to eat a little healthy, so I’m like, I have to do it. But oh, I hate I Washington Hate it.

I mean, I like serving my family, but I do not like cooking, so they have to get proper mind. You give us a moment break, Simone, take a break. Get very well. We just lost you. Listen, that super show. You know what they’re talking about? That’ll be for a call in show. And let me tell you, like a meid, me and him, like neither one of us likes to go grocery shopping. Um, and we don’t really like to cook, but we know we have to. So the cool thing is, there are days that he’ll cook, and then there are days that I’ll cook.

And on the days that neither one of us do, then we know we just have to go out. So just come up with some type of compromise. So you took a share. But if you have a man that doesn’t cook at all Sorry, Eric. Um, I don’t know. I don’t know what Sorry about this Skills that is busy doing other stuff in your life. Good. Like the cleaning, The house, doing homework with the kids serving, loathe the kids. Are your kids out of school? No, I got one.

And she does most of her classes online at home. Yeah, So guess what I am doing. Algebra to chemistry and physics. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Step back, Jack. I can’t cook. A what? Do you have a listen? Here. Here’s our and this will. This maybe will help. Simone. So are our deal is I’ve always said my wife’s a great cook and I’m not. So why don’t you want to try to get in the game? I’ve always told her if you cook, I clean all the dishes. You You know what?

I’m not the guy to sit there like Cook. Bring me the plate and clean up the room. So I saw my dad always help do the dishes. I’ve told her from Day one. If you ever cook, I got all the dishes I got to cover. No questions were good. Not about their that cover from a guy who likes to cook. I feel so most pain a little bit. You don’t want to come home and start, you know? Right? So you got a plan ahead. This is where the pre flip Prep comes in.

That’s kind of what we do, right? Do a little pre prep action and, uh, have some of that ready beforehand. cause, you know, when you get home, you thank God I feel like it. You got there there so many dynamics to answer this question hard. Like what? What’s he doing? Is he working too, or she working? He said, Hold him in his question and she has to come home. So it’s like every other aspect of rolling relationship. You got to talk about it and compromise. What are our expectations?

What do I feel like? Is healthy and what? Where can I meet you? Where can we compromise? So you gotta compromise a little? I don’t think there’s, Ah, in these days. I don’t think you gotta stick with a certain role for everybody and there’s no adjustment. I don’t care if your dad did to finances. If your wife’s better finances and you are, maybe she right anyway. Yeah, she didn’t sound too keen on her husband cooking. That wasn’t even part of the question. That’s a loaded question he’s at, I guess, anyway.

So So there you have it. And if anyone else has questions break, make sure to send those into the relation shop at power. 77 radio dot com. Way doing today? Here’s what I want to do today. This is this is a Now this is coming out of a I’m gonna call it Holy because it always sounds better. So when I say like holy frustration, it doesn’t sound is angry, right? But it’s probably not holy. This is just a frustration. I just too many people getting married. They should never get married that aren’t asking the right questions before they get married.

And then I got too many P. I’m talking church people, not just right. I’m talking church people who act like they know what’s going on. Ah, year in the marriage, sitting in office saying, I don’t think we’re going to make it. What, were you not asking any questions before you like? Sound like somebody had a rough week in the counselor’s office? A every weeks of rough week in the counseling office. So what I want to address today is seven questions that everybody should ask themselves before they get married.

Yeah, but before we do that, since the news has been hot and heavy with the whole royal family, step back of it. My question is, did they not ask some questions of what they expected mayors to look like before they didn t like she get married and already knew. Hey, I don’t want to be part of this royal thing forever. Did he ask that? So I’m wondering about what you guys think about this whole deal when we’re talking about Megan Markle and hair prints, hair. So I You know what I really think?

I mean, come on. She married into royalty. They had to go through a lot in order to get to the point where they were even going to get married and clean would approve. So I think they went through a lot. My question is, did the family really, really accept her? Because a lot of people are pointing to her saying This is what she wanted all along. But Prince Harry has always been a rebel. Hey, I’m badly, you know. Okay, there. Could you can find it on. So you’re playing the race card?

No, because I’m looking at her just being an American, not the race thing as well. That’s gotta play into it to you. It is. But that’s what I was going right now. English white queen who now has a daughter law who’s not white crusty English. But I feel like as Europeans can say, that my mom’s in British. I e Can I make fun of your mom? You make for the day. All right, Come up with your English accent. Yeah, work. Now, you can answer this, Eric. Since your mom’s British So do do the British people look at us more like, would they say, What do they look at race more than they look at us being American.

I mean, I’m not your I think Europeans hate Americans. Yeah, I think it’s It’s American first, but I don’t know if that plays into it. Yeah, that was what I agree. I think Harry did the right thing on this. Have you ever looked at some of the rules that crown has? I mean, you can’t pick up your spoon until the Queen does, and then when she’s done eating your dot I mean there. That’s fine, because I eat fast, track it out, eat her. I know that hungry that you gotta carry your personal one side.

There’s so many freakin rules in this that I’m proud of the boy for protecting his wife and not his name being Mr Brown. Say good on your guy. I mean, that’s Well, here’s the reality. You’re not the oldest son. Why he gonna get their second bill anyway? Bounce and enjoy yourself. You’re not that anyway. So my question in all of this is What? What are they? What are they getting away from? Because they’re not getting away from media. In fact, they probably just made it worse. So what?

What, are we trying to get away? I think eventually they can become less relevant. You cannot did. I think they’re getting away from all the obligations that the royal family has come less relevant. I mean, Diane was in the news all the time, and she was She got her stuff ripped away, so don’t don’t know. They’re gonna be in it like, yeah, probably just the responsibilities for them, Like the day today. But as of in the social media, now, that’s not gonna change and go for him. Protect.

I think that’s part of why the social media world is part of why they could make this jump. Because otherwise what’s he gonna do for work will be a plumber, but I think they have enough audio. That’s saying, but But 30 years ago, that probably wasn’t possible. If you step out of the royal line, what do you do for work? He’s gonna go get a regular job. But now they could make enough living off of appearances. Yeah, once 1/4. And be said even if they lost all the royal money, so for sure.

So are there several different questions? If you’re royal, I should be on E. I think so. Questions asked before you marry royalty. That’s what we’re going to cover. Eric put out a bloomers there. Yeah, I felt like you do it better. My dad like, Yeah, I didn’t feel wrong. We’re gonna work on it, work out for next time, cause that’d be a little bit for you to work on your British accent. So let me jump in with the 1st 1 first question to ask yourself before you get married.

This is our shattering is going to surprise you. The question is simply Why are you kidding? Married. Do you ever stop long enough to ask? So let’s brainstorm a little. What? What are some reasons people get married for? Uh huh? Yeah. You had that ready? Yeah. Ready with their What? Your name is so fun. Alright. For love. That’s a good one. What else? Fowler? What? You go. Are you kidding? Especially as you get old. The pressure of you know, my boys, my girls, they are married. Family pressure.

When you get married, when you have kids, that’s a good That’s a good one. Yeah, I think financial stability is the reason people get married. Yeah. Yeah. What else? I could see that, uh, just age. Like they’re getting older. Been dating for a long time. It’s time to do it. We’ve been together this long, you know, that sounds like my history. Oh, yeah, you got You got, like, one of the, uh, one of you that just is dragging their feet for Oh, yeah. Not naming any names. Ahmad?

Yeah, Eso So we’ve put so much into the relationship at this point. I don’t want to start over. Let’s get married, right? Yeah, I’m just go say how about I just I just knock somebody up, and that’s I see. Yeah, I think that’s what or or the the act of. So if you got some people that are trying to follow God’s guidelines and, like, have some sex, get married and unmarried. I think companionship is one. I would like their lonely. I want Babu. It’s lonely. All my friends Valentine’s comes around at all.

These I gotta work on my voice is you got all these voices, right? So here’s the idea behind this question. I don’t think we’re honest with ourselves. A lot of times, like the reason I got married was because I met my wife. I thought she was school and she was hot. I said, Yeah, that seems like a good idea. I didn’t have some. Well, God told me it didn’t have. So I went in to make it. Here’s the problem, though. The reason you gotta ask yourself, Why am I getting married is because the reason for which you’re getting married if that ever disappears, you’re gonna look yourself in the mirror and go What?

I don’t want to be married. So if I got married primarily for companionship, but then we’re not friends like I hoped we have been, then you want to get out. If I got married for financial gain and the other person loses their job, then I want to be married anymore. So it’s probably safe to say you tell me you’re the counselor in the office. But it’s probably safe to say that most people that’s no die away on most people. Yeah, that that’s part of the problem, because the reality is nobody got married.

Let me say not nobody. Most everybody I’ve ever talked to there may be an exception. Got married for a good biblical reason, which is I’m gonna commit my life to somebody to serve, sacrifice and lay my life down for them. Most people are getting married for what they’re getting, not what they get to give. But I think you got to be honest with yourself and ask, Why am I getting married? And if it’s not a good reason, if you’re filling the hole, if you’re trying to find security, stability is going to turn around and bite you in the butt.

With this apart, that’s number one. That’s the easy start. Number two question. You need to ask yourself before you get married. Is do you know and trust your partners? Personal history may say that again. Do you know and trust your partners personal history All right, so we’re saying personal history we’re talking about, like what they like. Don’t like what kind of personal history we talked. I think I think the way we did, I think their life. So there’s two parts. Do you know it? So be wary of the person who don’t want to share a whole lot about their past.

I don’t want to introduce you to family. Don’t want to introduce you from people from the past. So some people will get married not knowing who this person really is. And then when you know it, do you trust it? So if I’ve got okay, let’s say I’m dating this girl. And as I get to know her past, what I see is ah, either she has filed bankruptcy three times. Um, she been in jail for money laundering eyes. That something she told you, Is that something you either or your drawer?

So your co, we’re going to do in the background check like, really check if I’m gonna up? Well, if you come in your whole life to somebody, it’s worse finding without some information. Hopefully, you’re talking to someone who’s on. So let’s say they shared they’ve been unfaithful to every other person they’ve dated. Why do I trust that? I want to know. Why do I trust that I’m gonna be the exception to do you know and trust their the ideas. Let me give you Scripture. Proverbs 13 20 He who walks with Wiseman will be wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.

If you marry a full, you will get hurt at some point because of their foolish decision. I think you’ve said that when a quite few times. I’ll use that till the sun goes down and then it comes back up on U E. O. Listen, here’s what I do. Go think about all of your worst and most painful decisions in life. There was somebody else involved. It was probably not a solo maneuver. Yes, So do you know and trust their personal history? Past history is often an indicator of future performance.

That’s true. I mean, just the little things to on how you guys get an argument, how they respond and how they even hear what you’re saying. You know, I mean, childhood comes into that all comes into literally. Here’s what I mean by that live times. You’d be talking to couples who are married about their issues and they’re frustrated by issues. And if you simply ask them the question, Did you see any of this evidence of this when you were dating most of time? It’s like, Yeah, well, you just ignored it.

You thought it would go away when you got married, so you knew it, but you didn’t trust it. But you decide to get married anyway. So So were there any red fives for you when you were dating? Was there something you so, uh, Norman in. You can get trouble now. No, I’m not getting in trouble. I’m trying. I’m trying to think through it. I think we didn’t like conflict wasn’t handled all that well. So that should have been an indicator that that we had some maturing and work to do.

Yeah, with that, I think I did know that she been unfaithful to every boyfriend ever. So that should be a red flag of what’s driving that right? And should have been a discussion. But I’m I was immature too. So I’m like, Oh, yeah, I’m cool with that. I’m on the same boat role. You know, like I like my bleach blonde hair Big, right? I until after we were married. I just had the bullet when we were dating Mullet Drew shoot the South American European soccer bullet. Isn’t that a rope, right they’re gonna end with That s so I’m thinking back to like when me and Amman meant we were dating.

And like I knew that he went from woman a woman, a woman. But I’m like, OK, well, we’re gonna go ahead and get married, and you know, it is going to stop here, but I’ve never even thought about like, what caused it. Like I’ve never ask those questions. This is like, Well, I’m just better than this. So did you have the mindset of I’m gonna change him? I e o You saw the way he dressed when we first met. I had to work on that. I had to work on that.

You gotta tell your head with toys showing cleavage don’t work. So I’m like, if I worked all of this, I put all this work in. Oh, yeah, I’m the winner. What? You bring him on? What? Why don’t you instagram a picture of that right way before the dreadlocks that you got what you want to see you go to the instagram page. That’s about so no, I think that’s Ah, you bring up a good point toy, which we all do, which is we think we’re the exception. That’s like couples, that that I’m always amazed by this.

So you got a couple both married, but I had an affair with each other, so their marriages end and then they marry each other, and then one of them is unfaithful again and the other one’s blown away. Well, I’m like, Well, let’s let’s start with the start of this, which is you already knew that this person was willing to be unfaithful once before. Are you talking about me? But no, no pro. Uh, I’m not that you guys have been faithful. We have way not. But my point is, we’re just like, blown away because we think we’re the exception.

Everything, the only reason this person did it is because I’m so amazing. It’s like no the reason and you’ve talked about this in four days, and the reason that it was done was an internal issue that I was trying to meet somewhere, right? Not that Oh, my gosh. This person was so amazing that I could never do that. You can find yourself in the same place. Yeah, I know. And I on that to kind of recognize going. And we didn’t start the right way. Yeah. So we actually made a conscious effort to you know what?

Let’s back up on the best we can. Let’s start this thing out. Right. So, yeah. I mean, I can see going that way and heading that way. If you If you keep that same mindset that that same track find a you find yourself in the same boat. All right, let’s hit number three. Since the show is almost over and we’re on to be a going number three question you gotta ask yourself is this will be a quick one. Have you planned a marriage or just a wedding?

Some scripture, Luke 14. 28. For which of you, when he wants to build a tower, does not first sit down and calculate the cost to see if he has enough to complete it. You see the disparity and how long people put into planning the wedding day. The dress, the flower, the cater, the venue, the on and on and on and how much time they actually put into preparing their relationship. For this was the one question I throughout 2 to 1 of my daughters, who is who is thinking marriage, like right through this out.

This was the one question that was crickets. Everything else I had a quick answer for, but this one, this one got her. Which I think it’s a great question because that’s most people think about the marriage when the what What’s leading up to a book? But what does that look like? A. Sfar? Is marriage yourself planning your marriage, right? I mean, people think it’s just gonna fall in the place. So So what kind of things that we need the How do we plan our marriage? It’s like, what kind of questions do we need to ask to actually plan our marriage?

I mean, you better know how the guys with financing are what I mean. And really, the best question for all of this is I love guy, you you because if you have that which Ahmad did when we got married and I was almost there and it’s just like. But if if we both had it then, man. But anyway, let’s keep going. No, I think that’s good. So, anyway, you gotta think about where you putting your time. Is it disproportionately towards one of these over the other. Number four.

Number four Have you identified and communicated your needs and expectations. So you need to really ask yourself. And we’ve talked about this on other shows, expectations and values and all that kind of stuff. But it’s like, Have you really sat down to talk about your expectations? Because most marriages that end, it’s because of unmet expectations, which leads the hopelessness, which most people probably about, especially when they’re dating, is what can I do for you? How can I make you happy? Oh, yeah. So, yeah, that’s fair. I like it. Yeah. Okay.

So, anyway, you need to express what you expect. You need to know what they expect. So you can accurately answer whether or not you think you can meet them where they are. All right. Number five questions asked. Moving. Are you investing mawr than you can afford to lose? All right. Explain that one a little bit. Uh, you do know that there is a cost to marriage. Sure, you give up something so I’d be fine with you Making a pros and cons list. Most people when they head to the alter our thinking about what they get, not what they give, man.

And I don’t have time to go into theology of the altar on this show. But the altar was always a place to bring a sacrifice. The altar was a place to come and serve. The altar was a place of submission, so but most people go to the wedding altar going. Guess what I’m getting? Yeah, Room. I’m getting a bride. I’m getting, I’m getting I’m getting And I don’t know what you know what Your You know what you’re losing can Are you investing more than you can afford to lose?

Are you giving up more than you really want to get away? The cost for sure. Someday you need to bring that on. The show goes out. That was the one message I’ve heard you preach that I actually really want to. It happening, right, Benny? Exactly. Been a good 67 years. So that one’s a going to bring it up. Bring it up. All right. All right. I’m gonna throw this one toy. I want you to respond to this one. Question six. You have to ask yourself, Are you content and happy as a single person?

Probably not know why not? Because you want that. You want that best friend. You want that companionship. So that’s why you’re searching. So let me ask you this. What is the danger of you not being happy and content is a single, and then you get married. I know that you could still have that same unhappiness. So, like, I look at this like a mind. Let’s just say this He is like he was excited. Like finally, we get to just tussle in machine. Anything when you want cooking was not, You know about the kitchen.

Thank you. Like, yeah. Russell and she Hey, now, right, I got it. So yeah, so it’s just it’s just one of those things where, you know, that was kind of his expectation, and that’s kind of for him. It was that part of the companionship. And me I’m like security somebody to help, you know? So it just kind of those two different things, but That’s why for me, I know I wasn’t I wasn’t comfortable. So then, if you’re not content and happy as a single person, what you’re basically saying is I’m dependent on the first about Mary, for my happiness and for finding a place of which is going for failing it.

ISS it is. And that happened. So I hear companionship. So what? What do you need at a companionship? I mean that that really is just the surface. It’s what? The world sales somebody to come home to, somebody to go to bed with, somebody to take care of you. And it’s like, But if you don’t have the rial roots of it and knowing like exactly how you’re serving them, how are they serving you? Like what? What am I giving to this person? If you don’t have all of that, then you can forget the fakes.

So you’re already started relationship about what I need not about what? They You’re gonna rise and fall on their ability to fulfill what you think you need. Yeah. Not a good place to be in place. Figure out how you can be content in yourself so that you’re able to bring something to your relationship. Boom. You go. You can. So I’m talking about sister. Stayed awake through prophetess. Toy it in the house and the building. Question number seven. Have you identified core values for your life in your marriage?

This goes back to question six. Where if your content and you know what you value, you’re better able to choose somebody whose values line up with yours. Yeah, I don’t think most people could answer that question. Not even looking for I couldn’t I don’t know. What? I didn’t even have a set of values at that age. My values were what’s fun today. That’s it. I got married in 19 the first time. So it was It was Where was I? And someone toe Pop Whitehead, for at that point, it was, um I’m gonna play in Madden football today. Yeah.

Hey, yo. You want to play mad 91 with me? I don’t think mad was out there Unless, Of course it was Yeah, it was course we had Sega, but, you know, you know what? Our core values, where back when we first got married, um, always be Oh, what it was was Everybody wants to have the title of the power couple. Uh, okay, we’re going to do way. Do a victim. You have an idea where your big things, the same big things are just both gonna be big? No, no, his was different than mine.

But the same time in pictures. Hashtag power couple. Yeah, yeah. I mean, what does that mean? Be careful that our couple hashtag tussle in the sheets. Hashtag big thing. Listen, if you don’t have a set of core values that drives your life is a single, then what will happen is you’ll marry somebody. For whatever reason, you married them. And somewhere down the road, when you figure out what is most important for you in your life and hopefully if you’re a Christian, it is around God’s purpose for your life.

Then what you’re gonna find is you’re gonna look at the person you’re married and you’re gonna go. Ah, my core values air, not your core values. And now we have a real problem. So, as a single person, I would say, if you don’t have a clear set of core values, what is driving who you are and what you do and what you think God is great you to do. Do not marry anybody because you’re flipping a coin at the outside possibility that you happen to marry somebody that has the same shared values as you are.

And and you’re hoping to get lucky. You’re rolling the dice. You need to make sure you know what you’re about. And then part of the dating process is finding somebody else. That’s about what you’re about. So that you I don’t like hashtag power couple, but so that you are a couple that are assisting each other and both doing what God’s called you to do. Yeah, a man. Yeah. And really And like we already talked about, just make sure that you both have a relationship with Christ and that you are serving each other and loving each other.

And let me see. I think I have some other questions. So, like the why your job, like in, you know, in just some different words, like, what do you what do you bring into each other’s lives? You know, like, really like, what are you really bringing? And do you know each other’s families and look at how look at their values. Look at their habits and happen. You fit into that and think about that. And you know, some other little things just kind of add on, you know, you Thea Addendum Appendix.

I like that talk show off. No. Sometimes people people always say that That’s a good point. You know what the joyless it they’re called you little let’s with judges. Hey, even the fact that we’re talking toy all day. So today. So that’s why I got Do you like it like an old family thing? Because people say you don’t marry each other’s family, but you do. You dio your family. You like it or not? I’m glad you brought that up. I see all right for any questions, comments in those into the relation shot at power 77 radio, and that’s around cold.

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