[THE RELATIONSHOP] Kanye + Kim – Handling Change In Your Spouse (Episode #12)

The RelationShop crew discusses relationships seen on reality TV (90 Day Fiancé, Married at First Sight, etc.) and throughout Pop Culture in order to provide good relationship advice that works.

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This is The RelationShop where we expose reality shows and provide couples with really relationship advice. I’m Toya with me. I have Jason and Eric. Yeah, All right. So our listeners all right, we got some more questions from our listeners. We like these. Uh, so today’s question is gonna gonna kind of lead us into what we’re talking about. The question is, how do you know when somebody’s faith Israel and this comes from K. Kardashians Lister. So how do you So how do we know that all this stuff going on that faith when somebody says they have the faith that Israel How do we know?

Uh, first of all, it’s none of your business. It is between that person and God. But second, it just depends on what you’re seeing. And like, when? When I think of Kanye, it’s like he’s having all these people saying Jesus and looking up Jesus and wanting to know more and want to know if this is even riel like, that’s the first step. So I’m like, this is awesome. We’re talking about, you know, we had salt and pepper in the house today. Business. I want to take a Teoh Jason tend to understand Jason’s bobbing his head like some metallic like.

That’s good. This is such this is the easiest question to answer ever. How do you know someone’s a genuine Christian? Three things cross necklace bottled up inside the arm of the rib cage and a Bible with your name and grade. You taking a shot at W. W J D Dezio? Absolutely. It is the Christian starter pack you’ve got that you re gathered in fact, goto our store and purchase the Christian started. What was that like back in the days when you walk down the aisle, right. Is that what they had waiting for you?

Here’s your packet. Yeah. Get packet. I come down, Ryan. You leave with little packet, man. I get ripped up. I mean, even catch. You got Jesus on her necklace. That is a salvation symbol like it’s no. Seriously, I would say I would say fruit is the best way to tell. Yes, all right. And when I say fruit, that means that there’s something good being produced in their life. The Bible’s clear that that says that, you know? Ah, bad tree can’t bear good fruit. And a good tree does not bear bad fruit.

All right, So if there’s genuine heart, Jane Bible says, out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks. So if there’s genuine heart change from salvation, there should be a difference in the way people talk. There should be a difference in the way people act, the things they do, their priorities, and we’ll see some some differences and some fruit in their last sanctification is becoming like Christ, we should see some of that. So let me let me ask you this. So can can that be different for everybody?

All right. So, like like for instance, you know, some people, you my, they might say some customers are you know, when they get cut off in traffic or something like that, somebody may see themselves as bad fruit or somebody else might go, You know, it’s just a word. You know what, So so came fruit be different? What do you mean by fruit? Uh, by fruit. I mean that we are moving from a place of, uh, not knowing Christ it all to being Christ like that’s the whole sanctification process.

So there should be a progression towards those things that well, if you go in Galatians five through the spirit, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, self control, there should be an increase in that in a person’s life. It don’t mean that I became a Christian today and that I never cussed again. I never make a mistake. I’m never selfish. I never seen pulses and Roman seven. That’s always the fight. What I want to do. I don’t do what I don’t want to do. I do, and I realize there’s this war inside of me.

But there’s a big difference between no war going on. Aziz. The spirit is not renewed and the spirit name renewed. And now there’s a battle between my flesh and my spirit day today, so we just should see some life change. I know where when I became a Christian stuff that I engaged in prior to that, So when I went off to my freshman year in college and got got ahold of my heart when I came back, I wasn’t doing the same things that I was doing when I left the summer before three months earlier.

So my friends started calling me 1 80 all kind. You know, you nicknamed fund stuff they were having fun with, but I stopped drinking, smoking, doing those kind of things. There’s different fruit in my life now. Now, Now I’m treating people different. I’m prioritising different things that I think that’s what I mean. So what, You’re not saying perfection, obviously, but we’re talking about long haul stuff. Let’s see. See where your life goes on. The longer you should be seeing a progression towards changes, what you’re saying, I get you.

I mean, hey, and and I can I’m the world’s worst of that. I mean, I might change. When I became a believer, I changed. But I’m also the guy that as a believer I also fell, you know, and the fare as a believer. So, yeah, what do you do with that? I had You know, how many people told me? Ah, he’s fake. He’s It’s not genuine because of the affair. So So so some of what I’m looking forward to is not the mistake, but what happens after the mistake.

And so that’s when that’s when my response, I believe, showed my fruit because God pulled me out of some dark stuff. There and, uh, it was so it was some Buckley fruit at some point, but yeah, there should have been genuine repentance. There should have been a turning away from it. There should have been a turning towards God. And if you’re not renewed in your spirit, that’s not me. No more bubbles at the Kit Kat Klub. Probably. And not Right, Right, Right. Yeah. No, I get it.

I get it. We need to see. We need to see the long haul change, right? I would say, even with myself, I went from just not having any guilt. You know, like, just be doing what I want to do when I want to do it to the transition of living for Christ. Like, Okay, what am I doing? For Christ is no longer like What am I doing for Toya? What makes Toya happy? It’s more of How can I serve? And I know that looks different for everybody, but for me, it was just more of okay.

I will stop being careless with my spending or with where I spend my time. It’s more of giving back and doing those things. But the foundation of that motivation is Christ eso genuine life change, different fruit and priorities. Which leads us into today’s topic, which I’m pumped about. If you have no idea what we’re talking about, then I would tell you just to climb back in bed. Let me interrupt. Okay. If you have questions, please send them to a relationship and power 77 radio dot com Again, that’s the relationship at power 77 radio that I care what you gotta talk about that is.

So So let’s talk about the biggest life change in the news today. Kanye West, you missed this. I promise you, you have no pulse. You need to call 911 right now. Have somebody come check you. Otherwise, you probably know Conde West has had a radical life changed. There’s there’s different priorities and different things that are happening in his life. And so what I want to do is turn the conversation in the how does that impact relationships when one spouse has a big change or a change in priorities?

A change in job, a move in a different direction than was the original plan when the two got married. What do you do now? How do you handle that in relationships. So first, let’s talk about because I know you guys have seen some of the stuff with Kanye and Kim, whether it’s on TV or the interviews, that stuff. So let’s talk about their specifically and then we’ll dial it back in and talk about our lives. Well, first of all, I’m gonna talk about mine right now real quick because I have gone from Garth Brooks.

Do I have Kanye downloaded on my phone? That that’s my fruit life change. What’s my favorite song? Uh, gun is I think I think that one Teoh kind of partial to follow God life, like trying to get your life. My dad told me a Christ like Yeah, yeah. Okay. I used to like that. Something now, but me to ruin some or I’ll ruin every hour Choir singing. Okay, wait. Yeah, s o Okay. So? So until the power of the Lord comes down. Really? That’s really top 100. K is que saying?

Well, you know, that’s okay. So, going back, you brought up a good point because that’s been my big thing. Seeing the Kim Kanye thing, I kind of get where I am. A Kim. I can see where that could be tough on Kim, right? Because you got Kanye would change. And you know, that guy’s not gonna be quiet about his change. What you shouldn’t. It’s awesome. He’s out there with it. He’s throwing his his beliefs out there and and he’s on fire, which is great. Yeah, but can you expect somebody, somebody in this case being his spouse, who didn’t get that change necessarily?

I mean, she’s been great because she’s been very supportive. But can you go in there and just start fired? Don’t do this. Don’t do that. Don’t do this. Don’t do that and expect her to get what you’re doing. That’s got to be tough on her. Well, I think that she’s known about it, you know, I think that because, remember, wasn’t Jesus walks? Wasn’t that like in his first album or sick? I don’t know. But it was early early on, so I was still in Northbrook’s. You didn’t miss anything.

That’s when he actually thought he was Jesus, announce realized. I just think that because he was raised, you know his his parents are you know, his mom was a Christian has as a Christian. So he was raised with that. So it wasn’t anything brand new. I just think that he had that foundation. He probably probably had those conversations. I believe their relationship is riel and that they do love each other. So I think over time she’s kind of ramped up, you know? Now I don’t know where she is spiritually like, if I know she’s not all the way where he is.

But I don’t know if she’s against it or if she just like Okay, that’s good. I’m just not quite there yet. But I appreciate where you are, you know? Hey, I’m impressed with their because any interview I’ve seen with her, she is way support. I mean, with his history of being being all over the place, I would be taking it like, Yeah, it’s just another Kanye moment. You know, she’s She’s shes very supportive. I’m impressed by her. Yeah, and let me make a correction. Jesus Walks was on the fourth album, all right.

Not particularly for that. I know to Toya, Jason has no idea make it up. Yeah, you have to worry about fact checking that that really honest an interview with Kim. And so they were talking about because here we’re talking about right genuine Christian and fruit change. Here’s a perfect example. So she was talking about how, and I think they had an argument on one of those shows. I saw a little clip about he was getting on to Kim about how sexy her dress was tight or something.

She kind of said, Listen, you’re having your spiritual growth moment doesn’t mean I’m having mine and so we may not see eye to eye. But then I saw another interview with her, where she talked about Can you want to pull all the TVs out of the kid’s rooms and that also there one daughter, he wanted to take her makeup away cause I felt like she was too young for makeup. Yeah, eso won. I think that that shows a change in priorities, maybe definitely demonstrating heart change. But I thought it was cool that she was willing to say that may not be my priority.

Um, I may not be as gung ho about these changes, is you, but it’s a marriage, and so we want to try to meet each other where we’re at and compromise. And I thought, man, that was that was way more mature than I probably would have given them credit for prior to this. Yeah, definitely. Yeah, I’ve been impressed. I have been impressed. A lot of good stuff coming out of this. So, Yeah, I mean, again, I am all for his changing and what he’s got going on there.

It’s just a big thing, you know, coming in and just making these changes to a household. How do you respond to that? I mean, when you Because not everybody’s gonna be Kim Kardashian and saying, Yeah, I’m supported. Whatever. You’re gonna have people out there to go and you tell me to do what? Right. So, sure. Especially for her. I mean, part of where she’s made her career is being sexy, right? And I mean, look how she got her start, right? It wasn’t Ah, funniest own video. And so now you’re saying I’m gonna do about face on where I’ve made a career and what I’m known for just because you have a changed.

And so have you guys had anything in your marriage where either you or your spouse made a change? Radically. Could be job, it could be approached the finances, It could be approached the health where one of you changed. And then how did the other one manage that? What were the expectations around that? And I would say for me more so of, you know, Ahmad has big dreams, you know. He has big dreams and started out where you know, I’m working in health care and, you know, he’s just like, Hey, I have really big dreams So But instead of him pursuing his dreams in the beginning, he’s just like a Let me just get a job and you know, support and, you know, do my husband duties, whatever supporting my family and then as a wife, I’m like, man, he really wants to pursue his dream.

So then it turned into me working and then him pursuing his dreams full time. And so you have some people that are like, Okay, how are you doing with that Toya? But honestly, I mean, I’m human. I have moments where I’m like, why can’t we be like everybody else? But also it’s more of the I love him and I see what he’s doing. I see the blessing. It is so I have to just say, you know what? No, this is the ministry. We’re doing this for God, you know?

And it’s just so many different avenues. I’m not gonna go into all those details, but just the fact that that’s it’s so different than everybody else around us. Well, so that’s something that you know. So I can kind of see that change, and I can kind of relate to that. But it brings him joy. It brings us joy. And we’re serving, right? Yeah, yeah, as faras Me. I mean, you know the difference. We’re so similar. My wife and I are so similarly lead we click along pretty good, but I am a musician.

You know? I’m in this band. Yeah, she frustrated that your over 40 and still in the band who would be frustrated that married to a rock star. Come on, eso So that is our difference, you know? I mean, I have dreams myself. Okay. 40 year old. I appreciate that. I’m actually almost 50 as you’re worse, but, um, way she doesn’t get the music. The music to me is is man, That’s my escape, if you will. That’s my That’s how I relax. That’s how I That’s how I express things like she doesn’t get that.

And so for me, going playing gigs or write music and going with the band this night to write music, it’s not just getting out of the house to write music. It’s it’s a it’s a whole different. It’s a thing for me And she didn’t she didn’t totally understand that. But she’s way supportive. She’s like Toya, and you know, she she’s backing me on that. She’s supportive and hey, she bought my album. So I like There you go. What if you said I’m quitting my job and I were going on the road?

Um, get there? Probably. You would know first. Does she? Would she? Your office appointment, eyes My guess? Yeah, I don’t think that would happen. I don’t think our support has limits it Absolutely. There it limits. I mean, yeah, living in a tent under a bridge is the limit. Yeah. Yeah, she does. She could come stay with us. I think I think I think I’ve sold nine albums so far, so I don’t think we’re going on the road anytime soon. You’re not not E need Teoh Correct that in case of viewers heard something different.

He has not produced nine now knows they have sold a total of nine album. Right? Tell me, do you have Oh, well, we have one. We’re working on number 29 of that. So, you know, it was the first project which were proud of. But you know, the first project tonight? Go plop. I didn’t see your name show up on any of the buyers. So what’s so go to iTunes and buy? That’s where about maybe Apple music. And I just listened. T It’s on Apple music. T e. I think yours was the one with a credit card.

Bounced, right? Yeah. I tried to use the money way. Alright, I give you an autographed copy. Use my Starbucks card. It didn’t work, So now I think one of the, uh I have a perfect example. So my wife and I were tool. I still blame her at the end of day. She’s the one that was praying that her husband would be its godly man. I was cool with being a nominal Christian, but she went and prayed. So this really ultimately her father reminder of that. But no, we made a shift 10 years into our marriage from working in quote the real world, making world money on and having flexibility and all that kind of stuff into feeling like God was calling this in the ministry.

And when I say us, I mean me and and she was willing to sacrifice a lot of stuff on behalf of me trying to make this life shift in that and there’s been a lot of costs to it. And I think that that is where the difficulty comes in when one spouse has a life change or a move, and and there’s a cost and sacrifice involved for the other one when that may not be a priority for you. But how do you How do you compromise and balance that stuff like someone may decide I need eat healthier may decide Fitness is now priority.

Well, that disrupts all kinds of stuff time, but the gym money spent towards the gym, Maybe supplements may be eating like you said, Um Ahmad at it was his change first financially, but you were willing to come alongside of that. Have you guys you Any other examples off life change moves where now the other one has to navigate. Man, how do we How do we get on the same page? Yes, So I guess what? Like job change? And of course, we talked about money, the fitness. So those type of things.

But I have a question. So when we talk about compromise so or like limits with this, like, what does that look like? Like, is it Is it full like? Like I know we laughed about you and Lisa with the limits, but, like, what does that look like? Like what? How do people move forward with that? And like, compromising when there is such a major change? Yeah. I mean compromise. I mean, like we mentioned like Kim Kim with Kanye the being a perfect example. I don’t know that she is 100% in.

Yeah, but she it’s that compromise between the two. And I would think that would be was seeing fruit of one side, like in Kanye’s, uh, in Kanye’s World to see the fruit change if he is just fighting against her the whole time. What, You know that that’s maybe question a little fruit there a little bit But what do you think, Bishop? Yeah. Do we want to go biblical or we want to stay. Stay, Bishop. That’s one of them when you talk about we always talked about this idea being equally yoked tonight. Faith.

And we’ve talked about this before on the show, but you’re sitting there hanging out. One of you becomes a Christian. Now that is a completely different set of priorities, Right, Right. So now I’m a Christian and my spouse is not. I want to go to church. I want to start prioritizing God, they don’t want to. What am I gonna do with that? Paul actually addresses that in one of his letters in first Corinthians Chapter seven, Paul says, Listen, if and so understand, he’s writing to believers who didn’t used to be believers became a believer, but their spouse has not joined them.

Paul says. If the unbeliever in there, he’s talking about if your husbands and a believer. But it goes both ways. If the unbeliever is willing to live with you, you need to stay with him and not divorce. Um, yeah, because you don’t know if you can win them over right or if Christ will use you to draw them under himself. So we have a biblical mandate for the faith differences, right? But then people go, Yeah, OK, but what about this difference or this difference? So I would say if it’s not ungodly to change.

So let’s say you got a spouse and says, You know, I’m a start cooking meth in the basement and distributing it now that’s clearly sin. That’s breaking the law. I don’t think you compromise on those kind of things, right, Right. But if it’s not something that’s biblically sin or disobedience to God, then I think you got to start applying biblical principles right. And Philippians tells us that we do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Do not look only to the interests of yourself, but of the interests of others.

So there’s a godly principle of prioritizing the other person right saying, Hey, this this is not saying this is not ungodly. It’s not negatively affecting our household, you know, in a dramatic way. Our heart should be. Let me put you first and let me see you go after what you’re excited and interested about and, you know, hopefully that’s reciprocal. in the marriage, right? That’s the healthy marriage. So what about in an emotionally toxic situation? Like like for instance, you know, like like like you got a couple that’s dating and they dated and they had the same likes and interests and they did the same bad stuff and all that, and then you got one that’s radically changed and the other one’s going to do a little kickback.

And maybe there’s emotional stuff of Yeah, faras been little in their faith and just constantly, ah, creating a toxic situation. Where? How do you handle that when it’s that extreme? I mean, when you’re when you’re dealing with with an environment now, where you got one spouse just not just resisting, but but creating this toxic environment combative. Doing exactly what I’m saying? Yeah, exactly. I would. I personally would call a little bit and say Toya. You need to come in and help not would say the The answer is healthy boundaries so you cannot control another person’s behavior.

But you can control what you’re going to allow and not allow in response. There, baby. Yeah, and Nixon, for instance, if that’s me, I’m over here. Try live for Christ. And I got a spouse who’s be little ing who’s taking shots. Or maybe he was yelling or cussing at me, not night. I can request that they don’t do that, but I cannot make them. And so if they’re unwilling to stop the belittling, then I let him know. If you don’t, here’s my response. So maybe if you’re gonna be little me like this when you do, I’m going to choose to leave the room.

Yeah, or I’m gonna choose to leave the house and come back later. I’m gonna choose to x y Z were in control of certain things in our behaviours and responses. So I think boundaries air healthy in that place to say this is unhealthy behavior that I don’t have to put up with just because you’re unhappy. I got you. Yeah, I only bring that up because I actually knew somebody like that where the spouse was actually trying to make the environment bad, too, to basically so the faith thing would go away and they don’t know best how serious they were about.

We want to go back to normal now. So they were treat creating that environmental purpose. So, man. Well, I wish you’d have been there then. Wow. Yeah, sure. I’m sure that person would have really listened to me. Probably. I’m sure they were all out ready to try to disrupt that and turned the thing inside our out. Well, you know, I mean, I like what Kanye is going. I’m watching them. I’m watching. I have to say, I mean, you know, I agree with what you guys say, you know, it’s between him and God, but I still watching them.

God can watch. But I could watch him, too. Yeah, because that’s not what he’s saying now. I believe everything he’s saying. I believe there’s change. But like you said, the long haul fruit. So So you know, when I became a believer, right? As a lot of us your When you’re on fire, you’re excited. You can’t wait to tell people you can’t wait to chime will change just this this but up the road. Life pressures get, you know, and it doesn’t change your faith, but but sometimes your responses and the best.

So like we mentioned before, it’s not. It’s not really the failures. It’s the response to failure. So That’s what I’m watching a kind and see how he deals with with what’s gonna have the failures in the future or the pressure that’s coming up the road a little bit. So, yeah, I got my eye on the boys, right? Download his album. Yeah, that’s his next album. I got my eye on you But I would say this too. If you’re in a relationship where your spouse has made a radical change or you’ve made a radical change, I think Grace is always healthy.

Let’s give Let’s give each other some grace now I’m not Ah, by nature of super emotional guy. So if I make a radical change, it’s not gonna be like this big emotional moment. You may not even know you’re just gonna be like he looks different. He’s doing some things different. I’m not announcing guy. You’re not going to see a Facebook post about the greatness of X y z sudden take all my We’re talking about this this earlier toilet the difference of some people become a Christian and burn all their old CDO.

Yeah, absolutely. Toss all that stuff. That’s not me. I still got all the old CDs at some point, I kind of stopped. Listen to him. And then at some point, I’ll be like, Why don’t need them? So maybe I get rid of, but I’m not a down all over the place. But I think if you have one like that, give him grace. Yeah, let me tell you with a mind. So he became saved, like for really? I was fakes. He became saved, and he went in my car, and he started grabbing CVS and throw them away.

Like Mary J. Blige live. Yeah, it was like just some classics. And I’m just like, what happened? My CDs. No numbers anymore. That’s trash. Were no cleaning up, clean up everything. I’m just thinking. Geez, yeah, I got a Mary J. Blige CD with one family affair on That’s what it is. But I’ll bring that. I don’t need no hate oration. Yeah, so he just went through him, like, throw away all kinds of stuff, and I was just thinking might wait up, but that was me. They’re like, Wait a minute. What?

Hold on. But it been at the same time because I’m fake. Okay, at this time, I was fake, so I’m just thinking like, Well, dang, man, he’s so good and we’ll shoot. I guess I need to work on myself. I guess I can. You know, that was me, like, oh, man. And then the next day, like, Hey, where’s my CD? Oh, yeah, yeah, in the big dumpster. So, you know, stuff probably broke. No digging. Yeah, that was May. I threw stuff away. And then then the next day, I just kind of maybe got one out.

Oh, yeah, e do what through the rest about, But this one I really like. So if you’re a extreme thrower away change everything. I would request that you slow it down and give grace to your spouse and give them time to catch up with where you’re at because they didn’t have the same heart change. They didn’t have to set whatever it is, just give him grace. And then if you’re the spouse on the other side, um, give, get their excited. There’s life change or stuff going on.

So because it’s possible before, I mean but it’s possible that this if you don’t you could be resentments that you know of resentment. Well, absolutely. If my wife decided tomorrow that she’s now a health nut. And, you know, I come home and the house smells like broccoli and be like nobody. You’re hungry. Thank you all so much for joining us on The RelationShop. This is Toya and I have Eric and Jason.

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