[THE RELATIONSHOP] The Roles and Responsibilities in a Marriage (Episode #10)

The RelationShop crew discusses relationships seen on reality TV (90 Day Fiancé, Married at First Sight, etc.) and throughout Pop Culture in order to provide good relationship advice that works.

Be sure to send in your relationship questions to TheRelationShop@power77radio.com.

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This is The RelationShop where we expose reality shows and provide couples with real relationship advice. I’m Toya and I have Eric and check this out. You know, we can count on our listeners. Right? We got some. Good. Cool. We got a good question that day from Kevin from Dallas, right? No, you’re not ready for that way. Go. Is it okay for me and my wife to watch porn? All right, Kevin. Here it comes. I’m already stuck in the paradox of heaven’s on a Christian hip hop station wondering about porn.

Welcome to the world we live in is a toy this sound like, Go for you? Do you know what, Kevin? Another question and, uh, loving. You know, I don’t think this is good for a couple. And let me tell you why. Because watching porn together, it starts out together. But then it might be times that you’re alone in your lie at Let me just kind of slipped this in. And then next thing you know, you have that addiction or just that desire on your own, which can then lead to other things on your own.

So what? You have to think What if you just watching it for the plot for the flat? That’s true. Like this way. We appreciate some good acting. Wow. All right, well, I got to back you up. I gotta back you up. So, you know, from a guy perspective, it’s become the norm. Like I’m almost like you’re a freak if you don’t watch it. Right? But the reality is what What I think on both parts. But since guys air physical, you start expecting your wife to do some of that stuff.

It’s so you’re you’re starting to compare. Basically, when you start to compare, you’re losing the whole point of sex. Like we talked about some of other podcasts. You kind of lose the whole point of sex and the intimacy with it, because now it’s all about Can you do what bubbles is doing over there? You know, right? He said that was such a confidence like that Wouldn’t even name a name. He knows. What’s your stage name, bro? In dance, being when you can. I don’t know. Yeah, I used to be white delight back in there like, ah hung go shoes up a long time ago.

Yeah, you know, Well, yeah. I don’t know. My dancing days are over, man. So what What do you got? Do we want to do We want to see what God says about it. We just You go there. Yeah. Hey, it’s sin, right? The Bible’s clear on lust. Jesus made everything. Ah, hard issue in Matthew, Chapter five. He said if you look at a woman with lust, you already committed adultery in your heart. Right? So Bibles clear not to let any immorality in our lives flee immorality and so born is is less.

Thing is bringing something in that is causing you to desire something other than your spouse. All right, I’m gonna take this. Take this. A step for this is for the women, right? Bubbles go. All right, A mess. Double that. Okay, so So here we go. So here’s the guys. Get a bad rap, and they should on some of that. But here’s what I wanted. What is the difference in a guy watching porn and women lining up miles to watch Magic? Mike, the last is last, right? What is?

What’s the difference? If I could just go toe to AMC versus and watching my bedroom, But so So, yeah, where is the difference? I mean, personally, I wouldn’t want to bring Magic Mike in the bedroom anyway, because I’m gonna look, look like a fool. Should be, like dance for me like that. White light, your moves. I look more like Chris Farley. We ever see that with him and Patrick Swayze? He doing the Chippendales? Yeah. I’m Chris Farley of that duo. I think this is lust is lust is less right If you’re bringing something in the bedroom that is causing you to lust after something else Clearly, that’s not guys designed And, uh, at the end of the day, like Toya said, I think we mentioned this in the other podcasts.

Anything you bring in to enhance the situation, you have the opportunity or possibility become dependent on it and cannot aroused one another in the absence of it. And then I think you you got all kinds of issues coming into relationship. So Kevin in Dallas closure laptop, bro, we have your wife, go ahead and buy coven in eyes and get the victory and no magic Mike. So if you have 80 questions for us, be sure to send those questions to TheRelationShop@power77radio.com.

All right. So let’s get into the meat of today. Today we’re gonna talk about roles. Sorry about that choice of words. That eggplant. Not the way. Let’s get into the topic on hand. Let’s try that one for you. Talking about roles and responsibilities in marriage today. Roles and responsibilities. And guess what, guys? So this week, I spent all Sunday afternoon catching up on all the shows that the oh, that’s alive. Why would I? Five hours of my time watching the show? Why wouldn’t you? Is that such a ridiculous?

No, I haven’t watched a lick of it, but I’m sure you have some of those shows. Jake, you see Jason’s face? He was so Yeah. All right, listen, I know this has gotta be like E. This is tossing up a softball for you guys. Roles and responsibilities with all these crazy sticking together. Take opposites. Take people can’t even speak the same language. So who in your shows deals with rolls of responsibilities? What do you think? Way have a few. So we can. I mean, honestly, though, let me just say this.

Most of all of them, not most. All of them have this issue because it is single people coming together trying to hurry and make something work in Russia. Right. But to be specific, we’re going to talk about Andre and Elizabeth from 90 day fiance. And, um So Elizabeth. So what? So, Elizabeth, you know Andre is from words he from He’s not you cannot Ukraine. But over there, that accent probably knows Maria from this girl from the Ugo. Yeah, right. Yeah. So? So he obviously has culture and how he was brought up.

The man do this and the man do that? Yeah, he’s very, very. He’s got his ways set in. Elizabeth is growing up Daddy’s girl. And see, now that you know, her daddy does stuff and and it’s created issues with them, right? I mean, it’s created families not like and family. And they got some serious issues because of that, because his is basically is you have to be home. You you have to be. You could work for the money, but But you gotta be with kid. You gotta cook.

You gotta clean. You’ve got to do this. And even though I’m not getting a job, I’m responsible for the money. I pay the bills. Yeah, those with her money, but yeah, but he is adamant that I am the one responsible for my family like that. Bubbles Bubbles? Didn’t Michael Jackson have a pet name? Bubbles. Even if I knew, I wouldn’t answer. That s Oh, yeah. So there’s some roller responsibly. So So looking at the Rose there, you know who’s right on that is even though Andre doesn’t have his own money, are there specific role for men that specific roles for women are Can we believe these things?

Right. Where was the conversation? You know, right. Like that’s the issue. It’s just like they did they even talk about the roles or their expectations or what they wanted their marriage to even look like right? Probably not just was like, Hey, let me get Elizabeth. Let me hurry and get him here. Let’s get married. Let’s start a family. And they didn’t have any of these conversations at all. Oh, no. And baby was in quick. So now we got really quick s. So now we’ve got family on the way and way.

Haven’t really even figured it out. Yes, right. Right. And then she have holed up, baby. How are they having a baby in 90 days? Fiance? Well, they got married, Unmarried, Removed. Two year, and she got pregnant. There you go. Oh, so this is like 90 day fiance follows them after the night. Yeah, this is true. 90 days. So they actually got married? Yeah, they did get married, huh? Yeah, they’re in. And now e everybody on their didn’t get married because they’re all wack jobs? No, where they start out with 90 days and then is beyond the 90 days, and they’re all there’s more than 1 90 days.

Should get in on a brother. Yeah, 90 days. And then there’s before the 90 days where you get to go with them when they go over there. Last talked about nine days away. Yeah, you guys, sometimes I mean it. You know, I have to go home and cleanse my mind and heart after the show. But your guys, we’ll hear, All right? I listen to the Bible app on the way home and it kind of refreshing thing. And then another one is Tim and Jennifer, who are on like now.

So Tim is the American from one of the Carolinas. And then Jennifer is from Colombia and Tim is different. He’s more soft. He likes to have a face mask and get it on all of that. And he’s just not masculine. And she’s just like, you are not a man she has an issue with. Yes, it’s definitely yeah, And for what we’ve seen. I mean, I personally don’t know Colombian women, but she they see you wanted, like they were going to speak their mind on it. And I think that’s been the issue.

Is is what they When the episode where they went out to her dad’s farm and he had to castrate a bull and it didn’t do all that stuff. He he wasn’t looking so good Now when she started going. Wait a minute. You’re not a man. Exactly. And so she starts comparing him to Daddy and Daddy’s farming. All that. So? So there we go. We got some examples for some roles, and I’ve never castrated a whole either. Well, yeah, but you were You were you white Delight. But im open dio Yeah.

You open? I heard Bubbles is Colombia, I’m sure. There. Yeah, like that time. Everything there is it? Well, then let’s talk about how do you know when I think about roles and responsibilities I got I see two sides, right? The roles side we can look at is their biblical rolls Or is that just up for grabs? And then responsibilities to me seem more like the little task, the ends and outs, More the details. So I think to me, rolls seems like the kind of bigger jobs or descriptions job description, maybe.

And then responsibility seemed like, What are all the little things that fall under the job description? So how did you guys in your marriage determine who would play? What role play, what role you go first for us. I guess it was more of our strength. So I I know I talked about this before where, like with bills, I’m paying a bill when I get paid, and Ahmad is like, let’s use our grace period. So because there now much interested you could turn on those 10 days between date right after they get that interest on that $3.

7 days. You never know. So So because he will sit down and look at those things. And I’m not. Then I’m just like, fine, you know, you take that over, but he is way more organized than me. Do you remember that movie? Ah, sleeping with an enemy. Yeah, I remember hearing about it. So remember when she opened the cabinets? And like all that, everything was facing front. The towers were lined up perfectly length in the pantry. Everything was facing the front like in a grocery store tiles were perfect.

Like every cabinet, bathroom, kitchen, wherever everything is lined up perfectly. That’s Ahmad. Okay. All right. So and because I’m like, you know, I know everything is I’m good with it. It’s it’s organized. Uh, for me, I’ll just say that. And he likes everything. Like in order. So there they organize. You mean? I know it’s all in this drawer somewhere. Yeah, I know, but it’s a drawer. So if you is in there, if you actually return it to drawer my wife used to When we first got married, the cups and plates and stuff were all, like, done by color.

But then I would kind of mix him up. Yeah. So that was my way of breaking that system. I don’t really do that anymore. It wasn’t lazy you were just looking out for Yeah, you know, time to stack all the yellows and greens and oranges together. They can. All right, I get you. Right. So that’s kind of how we so, you know, go. You do it by strength. Yeah. All right. Yeah. I mean, for us, it it, you know, I actually could seize with paying bills and stuff like that.

It was actually creating. Ah, it was putting a lot of little weight on her shoulder, and I could see some of that, so I didn’t mind taking it over. So taking the bills over it was actually so I actually I do a lot of that stuff because it took that weight off of her. But this is just hurt, you know? I mean, some women can take care of that, but in her case, uh, yeah, I took a weight off of her. And so now I just kind of do it to protect a little bit.

It’s fine with me. I don’t really care. I can do it. doesn’t bother me. I will pay the bills. But, uh, that extra responsibility was just creating a little extra stress, and I just took it. So it’s kind of more protected things, just watching out for my honey and it also protecting her. See, and all your shady side side like Campbell from Down Way. We do some some video together. Was that something you guys talked about early? All we talk about that lot in with pre Merrill couples is really expectations around.

What are you expecting? Cause everybody grew up different. You know, you have some people. Grew up is like Well, you know, I’ve heard women say when my dad always did the finances. So I’m assuming my husband’s gonna do the finances when it may be like you said Toya, where the husband’s bad with money or not organized. And then there’s an expectation frustration. So did you guys sit down or through any premarital counseling or anything kind of talk about Hey, when we get married, who’s gonna handle what is faras around that we’ve always had this kind of like unspoken rule?

Um, which until well, it’s unspoken until it gets spoken. When there’s a disagreement. But like all the outside stuff is me Because my father in law did everything which, you know, goes back to Jason story about the guy on whatever show you watch. Castrate the bulls. Where sometimes if if you’ve got as the husband, you gotta You gotta father in law. Who? My father log. I mean, you name it right, Has his own business. Built his own house, start a bank in their small town. Started fishing.

So it’s like the follow up on that sucks. Right thing I do early on, my wife looking at me like you. Are you good at anything, right? I’m cracked. Jokes like nobody. And so we’ll see where that gets us. But that was That was a point of tension early on because she expected that I would know how to do all the stuff. I don’t know how do, but that that’s so the outside stuff has always been me on the outside guy. And then somehow were both the inside guy waken mutually help up.

But somehow the outsides me. So any car stuff in the yard stuff, all that stuff is quote the man’s job, right? I know some women who grew up without down the home. So Mom taught him they know how to do that stuff. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, how does that happen? Man? Stuff is outside. And then, honey, can you help me with the dishes from it? Just is what it is. Yeah, that’s what it that’s part of it. So, Toya, did you guys have actual expectation talks on the front end?

You just kind of get into it. I think we fell into it. So in the beginning, of course, I had my own stuff and he had his stuff. Then when we came together, that’s when it was just like Okay, like, Okay, you do the cell phone or you do you know, and then it just kind of fell into it over time. And we learned each other strengths and weaknesses on that, Like cooking. I love to eat, but I do not like to cook. And he didn’t know how to cook because his mom did all the cooking.

And I’m like, Well, chicken nuggets, it iss So you guys were kind of in an impasse. You like to eat, but neither one of you could neither one of us like the grocery shop. Huh? What? You you know? So it was one of those things. Where is? But when we had our son and I stayed home as I Okay, I can’t have him eating like this. So I learned how to cook and and now Ahmad cooks to share. So you non cookers, We both look now you adapted j so about you.

Who’s the cooker in the family? You know I’m the cooker man. Okay, I’ll say I’m the weekend cooker. So, actually, cooking is my i d like it’s my It’s a little bit of an outlet, cause I like these creative things. So, God, what’s your favorite dish? You could ah ah, you know, it just depends. It depends. Um, give you a scenario. It’s 72 degrees outside little rainy nights. Like right now, So no, I mean, it’s ah, me. Really? Honestly, it’s not about my favorite dish and all that stuff.

I actually get enjoyment when other people enjoy it. That’s what I like it. So that’s not I like cooking. Honestly, I watch my dad so I don’t need cakes. I don’t I don’t eat the stuff. Cook e just kill everybody else was like I just like serving. Other people do. I do know. What about you? How bad cooking skills, bro. I don’t want No, not that. My wife on. That’s a great cook. Okay, wait. We’re whole failed are getting to her family. It’s great cooks. And so that was early on.

Like, listen, I’ll do anything. So there you can’t find another thing around the house or in our marriage that I don’t do. I mean, So I grew up with a dad where my mom cooked, and my dad always did the dishes, so that was just natural for me. So my wife and I have always had agreement. Listen, any time you could I have the dishes I got That seems like a good trade for me, But I never learned to cook. My mom didn’t make me learn to cook, and I’m never learning to cook.

All right, let me give you this in there. Yeah? Yeah. Anniversary to wife’s birthday. Come on. Something. There’s a lot of them but rate restaurant cereal to get cereal. Right? I think they were like cereal. So? So, no, If I was going to get her something in bed. You know, I may run to Chick fil A and get a breakfast burrito egg, and he’s only listen, here’s what I do know. I have the notes app on my phone. I know what my wife wants from a variety of places, so I want to ask her It’s just go get it and show up, man.

There is nothing like there’s nothing more romantic than dropping a white sack on your wife’s bed with Chick fil A in it. Come on. I’m glad the oh I can throw on a song. You bring light that Z discussed, right? A drop in the white sack is a discussion for another day. So here’s a big and neither one of us my wife and I need the one a real big foodies. So I don’t think me trying to whip out some great dinner with all this thought is going to move her to a whole lot anyway, So here’s my problem. One.

I’m not like a super foodie, which all that means I do. I eat to live, not live to eat right. That makes sense because I needy and I get hungry. But if you stick me it at Perry’s with $70 steak or I just get a run through Culver’s and get a hamburger like I’m probably equally good with both. So I’m not a big foodie, and then cooking takes energy. I’m too lazy, man. When I’m when I’m ready to eat, I just want to eat So you know, I’m a do I’m eat cereal on I’ll eat, Sir.

I’ve been known to eat cereal for all three meals of the day and back. Okay. You look like a fruit loops guy. You know, there’s a cereal for every season. Let me break this down for you down. I’m gonna bless somebody way. Let’s jump about those responsibilities right here in the morning time. I need a cereal that’s gonna last a little while. So right now my cereal of choice for a while has been bite sized frosted mini weeks, low sugar But many weeks, you know they carry me to lunch, whereas if you like fruit loops, you’re hungry in, like, 45 minutes, so they don’t last.

But my evening snack around about 10 10 30 11 dependent on when I get to it Now that’s when the fruity cereals and the and the extras come in. And so I’ve got different mixes. I like my all time favorite mix. Fruity Pebbles and Lucky Charms. Brilliant mixed doubles. Lucky Charms. Wow. Yeah, you need to try it. It will bless your life. You’ve thought this through math. I listen. I’ve been eating cereal for years. If I had a PhD in serial ology, um, I could I could learn some stuff anyway.

So, no, I don’t cook. That’s my role. Responsibly. I don’t cook. My wife’s a great cook, and it goes in seasons of our kids as to how much we’re doing Dinner home versus runaround. Taking him everywhere. Yeah, but let’s look, let’s look a roles. Responsibilities. Do you think, biblically, that there is a specific role for husband and wife, man and woman? Do you think the man’s in charge and the wife’s always subject? Do you think they’re equal playing field? What do you think about that? What do you think?

It s o. I think that in the marriage it I think it depends. I think I mean, of course, the husband has his certain role, but I mean, when you get into, like what we just talked about. Know that can change depending on those individuals. But the man he is leading, right, Like, isn’t that you believe that the man is to be the leader of the home? Yeah. Yeah. All right. What’s your scriptural backing for that? Yeah. Look, that was her neck snapped at least 70 miles an hour.

Way was like me on the spot for Scripture. All right, now that it’s God man white, right? Yeah. That’s what says in Ephesians. Right? Wives be subject subject to your own husbands, acid lord. And it says for the husband’s ahead of the wife and Christ, also the head of the church. But as the church is subject to Christ, let the wives ought to be subject to their husbands in it says everything, so that, I mean, the man of the house, the husband just gets the roll roll around and our orders and be a threat at all.

There’s assumption in that the assumption is that the husband is subject to go. Uh, that’s an easier person, like Okay, my mind, I always feel with That’s Yeah, they must. Do they think the commercials on that show, sometimes two scriptures or something. Yeah. Yeah, I learned that five commercial during 90 day faults. Interest Kulti? Yeah. Yeah. So there is an assumption that other things are being done, right? Yeah, Well, certainly easier toe to submit to a wife. I would think easier to submit to a husband who is clearly submitted to Christ right?

Which That’s an ugly word because it’s used in the wrong way so much. That’s a metered. So everybody runs from it. But yeah, it’s the assumption that the husband submitting the God so everything below it should be a lot of a lot easier, but that I mean, that’s why I think God gives, you know, a when God calls a woman a weaker vessel on, you know, would probably get get emails from me saying that. But that’s what God called her. We confess on that week is in as a bad thing, but that’s where I think women are, are better nurturers for the Children, for things like that, and God has given characteristics to men to handle, like about saying women can’t pay bills.

But in my situation, taking over some things that I saw was causing stress for my wife because you know, she that’s my that is my role as a husband is kind of is kind of protector and protect. I think protector and provider definitely are. Let me let me read some scriptures. We’ll see if this supported this first. Timothy 58 Anyone who does not provide for their relatives and you can think spouses well on, especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

Paul says the Timothy’s that the ones who are not trying to provide for the baby from Orson unbeliever, his no long cautions. 3 19 husbands love your wives and do not be harsh with them. You’re providing you’re protecting first Peter 37 husbands in the same way. This what you alluded to. Jason. Be considerate as you live with your wives and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs. So this is where don’t don’t get mixed up because he called a weaker and there may be some physical attributes of man versus women, right, But he follows it with and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of God.

So now he put them back on the same playing field, Botha’s co heirs of what Christ provide and he says, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. So if men are not protecting and providing and are treating spouses harshly, which some people, that’s how they interpret, submit, I’m just gonna run around bark, right? But Peter saying Listen, if you can treat your wife harsh, God may not be Listen to your prayers as well. So there’s this. This whole subject provider protector idea all goes back to what Paul said in Ephesians five, which is the Christ was willing to give his life up for her.

And that’s part of leading providing, protecting and saying that. Listen, I’m thinking of you first, not of me. And I’m willing to do whatever I can for you all the way of the point of giving up my life. And I’ve always said this. I don’t know if it is right. Correct me if I’m wrong, but but the women that go we want to be equal men, equal men, equal men. Granted, I understand we’re equal. But as faras responsibility, men are held accountable by God for their families.

People will point you have that argument in the church, right? The compliment, Terry, in which we’re kind of what we’re talking about versus Egalitarian says that husband and wife are both exactly the same. And so they’ll go back to the Genesis account, where it says that men and women were created in the image of God. He created both of them. And so there’s this equal image bear idea. And then some would say it was until the fall in Genesis three. Where then says that the wives would basically the subject or want to usurp control for the husband.

So some people would say, Hey, the original no fall account is egalitarian, But once the fall happened, God said, Okay, now there’s, ah hierarchy, And so some people would would go back and forth on that at the end of the day. For me, that’s the dumb argument, because when you look at so many scriptures in the New Testament, say, be subject one to another, think not in the interests of yourself, but in the interest of others. This is no longer a competition of who can be in charge, but a competition of who conserve, who better and so I think those kind of where we’re at with those roles.

All right. Thank you for listening to The RelationShop on Power 77 Radio.

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