The RelationShop: How to Handle Money in Your Relationship (Episode #5)

The RelationShop crew discusses relationships seen on reality TV (90 Day Fiancé, Married at First Sight, etc.) and throughout Pop Culture in order to provide good relationship advice that works.

Be sure to send in your relationship questions to TheRelationShop@power77radio.com.

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This is The RelationShop where we kind of watch these relationship shows. We analyze them, dissect them and hope to provide you advice and tips to improve on your relationships. I have Jason and Eric on the house way go. I’m fired up again this week because we get to talk about one of my favorite things money I’m talking about. So here’s what we’re gonna do today. We’re gonna talk about money not only in the context of relationships, but also in the context of the crazy shows that you guys love to watch.

So we’ll get to that. But we’ll talk about agree nuptials. You have won our they biblical way. Talk about separate accounts or same accounts. What should you do with your spouse? We talk about values and money, cause I know my wife and I have value money in different ways. We have different upbringings. We’ll talk a little bit about spending and how we communicate at this is one of those areas with couples that ah, lot of fights end up happening around money and the use of money. So we’re gonna cover all that today.

But as always since I’m sure you two spent ample time this week while I was reading my Bible watching your shady shows. So what watch this week that time, millionaire correction broad out there in the streets by a Russian bride show. Or would you watch this week? Nearing male area Millions? Yes. Going on sale order, bride. Same thing. Yeah, yeah, all of that. All of that. So And speaking of money, like mayor with millions, obviously everybody you know, one person is rich and the other one is not.

But I was kind of thinking of Jonte and Brian. Brian? Yes. So she is a multi millionaire and he’s actually a construction worker. And they met. I don’t even know the showing. I know how this is just a friend in every construction, but they actually met at one of the construction site. So she and how she became rich was real estate so that she hired him to do some work for her on one of her properties. So the way they’ve been dating for have been dating for a year?

Uh, yeah, yeah, something like that. So anyway, um, there, you know, So they’re just going through issues of her being rich and him not. And she has these friends better. Like he’s not good for you. He just wants your money, you know, like you want background checks on him. And, jeez, I’m like this Dude, I wanna go. They will not let it go to the wedding day. Yeah, and what she loves is his family values because she didn’t have any family. So she’s like, Look, he doesn’t have to be rich.

I have enough money for him and everybody else. I mean, look, that guy’s got it made. You got a woman that thinks it’s impressive that he lives with his parents. Oh, my God. How can your 30 no, mid thirties, no more like, I don’t know. 40 is the new forties. I don’t know what, or maybe 50 but he’s living with parents, and she likes it. So hey, hey, I appreciate that because she’s rich and she’s like, I don’t need a rich man, but her friends like you need somebody to provide for you. What?

Why? I like she’s rich. I mean, he was the 1st 1 I would sign a pre nup, have a pre nup biblical already. Not you. Do they sign pre nups on these things? Well, that’s been It’s been an issue for one of the couples on this thing because, you know, Dad wants his son toe have his bride sign one, and he’s stuck in the middle, cause bride didn’t want to sign one. And what about this couple? They demand everybody state they had a prenup at have surprised of friends.

Haven’t brought that his relentless is a Now they just like you need to end this. They don’t talk about a prenup. They just don’t marry him, period. Now which he was a weird guy, give he’s already watchman. But whatever. I just feel bad, Toya. What would you do? Let’s put you your our deal now loaded. And I’m dating a construction worker. Uh, you know what? I I probably would have been OK. And here’s another reason why I would do it is because she found that because our friends did a background check on him.

So now she found out that he was previously engaged to another millionaire. Now, granted, this was when he was, like, in his twenties or thirties, and he says he broke it And he says that he broke it off because he’s like, you know, we just weren’t meant to be married, so I you know, he just took a step up in my book. Dude, got game. Uh, that’s two millionaires. Yeah, that’s two more than me. I am getting a little credit. That’s a good point. I mean, I don’t know.

How does it? Yeah, but, I mean, it’s the lives with my parents living with your parents. I like when you show up at the park with acute. Don’t thinking we could charge that word. Yeah, you were doing the whole bleached hair thing. A absolutely world. It works for you. Yeah, You don’t worry. Yeah. Listen, Jill could not keep her hands off with bleach. Their first. The mullet, your idiot. A listening. That was 1992. The European South American soccer mullet was in full effect. So I hear it looked good when I ran.

When it was wet and I ran. It was just imagine it flowing, flowing right, without without the build. I need to work on that way right now. Yeah, way. Let’s go. Let’s go. Pre nup. Sorry. Would Toya have him sign a pre nup if you had all this money because you just never know. There’s no guarantee that he’s gonna fulfill the commitment that he makes to you based on their what I’ve seen on TV and the fact that he did not tell her right off he lived with his parents and then he did not tell her that he was previously engaged A millionaire based on that.

If she still feels like she wants to marry him, then yes, I would say do a pregnant because of their specific circumstance. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Okay, so now let’s reverse it. Would you want a site? Because, you know, every female would say I e I’m not signing a prenup because of you that says you don’t love me. Really? You know? So would you sign a pre nup if you weren’t a millionaire? If I if yeah, I mean, because if he’s like, Look, look, let’s be real.

You have not been honest with me throughout this relationship. I love you. I want to be with you. But you haven’t been 100% honest. And you know, deep down, if you haven’t been honest with somebody like you know, Then I feel like so I will shoot. You know what you write? I didn’t tell you about this. I didn’t tell you about that until later on. So I understand why you don’t fully trust me. But really, if you don’t really trust me, we shouldn’t get married. So they really shouldn’t get married back upto that dude a liar.

Why are we still talking about? Shouldn’t get married. They shouldn’t get even get married for the first time. He has to two times that She caught him and some you know. So it’s just like, yeah, the more I think about it. No marriage at all. What about Christian couples? So you got to Christians. Okay, We’re getting married. God’s plan is a covenant marriage for life, Right? Right. Joined together. Let no one separate. Yes, Well, if you sign a pre nup, does that mean you’re going into it No longer with the covenant mindset?

Because you already have a way Possibility that it may not it. And with death. So what made you know? No pre nup. So let me ask this because I don’t know the legalities of a pre nup So what happens if I have this $1,000,000 worth of estates and all this and we get married without a pre nup or with the pre nup? What’s that do if I get hit by a bus, right? I mean, well, did it depends on what the will says. All right, But generally I think that Listen me, I’m talking like I have any clue. Lawyer.

That’s the good thing about me. You can ask me any question. Yeah, I’m gonna give you answer as if I know. Because I’m assuming you don’t know which is why you ask me. So you can’t refute what I do. Anyway, that’s why we know you make up your start today. Absolutely. Hey, listen, this works every time. Spiritually. If someone’s asking you questions, they don’t read their bible. I make up a verse. Yeah, right there. Hammel Lamentations to nine. That they’re not going to refute that because they don’t read our Bible, So I’m pretty safe bet, but But I digress.

I don’t do that often. Uh, I don’t even know what I was saying. What? Where you saying? I don’t know. I think I think depending on the will I think it all goes to it. But think about just divorce. Depending on the state like Texas, it was like a 50 50 stake. Yep, it so I would lean this way. And I don’t know if this is right. So I think you would say biblically the moment you have a pre nup, you’re saying this isn’t really a covenant. There’s a part of me that goes, well, I may have the government commitment, but I don’t know what the other person is gonna end up doing in their life.

They may wake up one day and decide that one didn’t wanna be with me and leave. So then goes back to faint, doing trust God to take care of me. Yeah, Yeah, I think sometimes people who have maybe a family fortune I don’t really have a problem with it with that, because it’s not just about you. It’s about something that other people have worked for generations for. And I’ve been good stewards and have handled it well and it really has. So I don’t know if they do it, because I didn’t sign a pre nup because I didn’t have anything and, uh so it wasn’t much to lose.

I think they should have, like, kind of like a progressive pre nup, which is everything I have before we got married that that’s covered in the pre nup. But as we’re married, I definitely think that as we because you make sacrifices every day, every day, I decide not to do something in order to support my wife or fulfill that. So I think once you’re married and growing, then I think absolutely all that stuff should go. Which was interesting in the last Marion millions. The couple with the pre nup issues he was talking to, his mother and his mother said that was the beginning of the downfall of him and has her in his father’s relationship.

When they got divorced was he wanted her to sign a pre nup. That’s what started it all. Go with Barry. Yeah, but I agree what you just said about the prenup, but and you can customize a pre nup so somebody can, like, say that exactly that in a pre nup and just say, Hey, what we came here with that was ours and what we built together, that’s what we split. Yeah, I’m not an over thinker. I’ll just sign it and then I’ll play with your millions and, like, How do you do they talk about?

Do they get access to him in? So let’s say they move and they marry on this show. Did they follow him after? Do you see? Do they? What do they do? Do they blend accounts? So if I marry the millionaire, do we now have one account, or do we still live with separate counts? And do I have access to your account? What does that look? I want a separate. Here’s my $38. 50 versus you tend. I want my I make 38 50 an hour. I’m the foreman. No, they actually have not talked about accounts.

They haven’t gone into that at all, so but that’s something good to talk about. So what do you hear mostly with with a couples and their finances and accounts and all of that, I feel like it’s getting goofy or and goofy or because a lot of couples marrying now our second and third marriages, and so they’ve been burnt. There’s hurt, they’re semi established. So the couples that are both like 23 24 25 6 Who haven’t accumulated a whole lot yet haven’t been running their career for a while. Getting married? That’s becoming more and more rare, and I think those couples is not as big of an issue because there’s there’s not a whole lot established.

But I think what I’m seeing now is I’m seeing a lot of couples who have separate accounts, and from my experience, people I’ve known I’m not talking about a friend of a friend like you were. So people that are actually friends I’ve ever known. I’ve only ever known one couple that I know really closely who have had separate accounts and has gone well. Yeah, yeah. What about you guys? How do you operate when you’re saying separate? What do you define? Like your name? Yeah, a lot of the couple’s I haven’t account right.

You have an account, we have a joint account, and so my direct deposit comes in. My your money comes in yours. We’ve agreed upon splitting the bills and the or we’ve agreed upon a certain amount of going to the mutual account and then from the mutual account will pay the bills But then the the other stuff is kind of me and you. Yes. So we have separate accounts. Okay, so but But our separate accounts are, But she had hers I had in mind, and then we’ve got married, so we just kept on that.

But what we’ve done, E I mean, her name is on mind. My name’s water. We have access because I think what danger comes in is I can hide a lot of stuff if you don’t have access to my account. So So, yeah, we got rid of that, but yeah. I mean, I think there are ways to have a separate account. I mean, you know, I’m not saying I think we should So Jill and I do too. Yeah. So we have multiple checking savings accounts now, they’re all with the same bank.

And so when I log in, I C u s, I know what’s there and what’s not. But it’s the ones who don’t do that. Who had do you, ELISA Divide bills No. Divided into, like like, here’s what I mean. A lot of couples I’m finding, say, like, I cover the mortgage. So I do have two mortars. You do have I cover the light bill. You got the phone bill and your car bill and I got my car bill and X Y Z. Yeah, I mean, she pretty much handles kids stuff.

Anything that deals with kids stuff. She here? Yeah, because you guys were co parenting a little different. Beast. Yeah, way have a house account. All the money goes into the house account, which is a dual checking account that we’re both on. And then we have our own private accounts. That is our fun money. And we agree. Like what? That’s four. So it’s not gonna be like a whole bunch of money, but I’m a girly girl. I wanna get my hair done when I can get my nails done.

You know, things like this or you know. So that’s what the fund money accounts for. Just things just for me. But bills and all that comes out of house. Count Ahmad is the owner of finance, so and the reason being is because I like to pay bills, like, immediately a. He likes to use the grace period. Oh, so I handled It may occur after the 16 due on the first time. Okay, around the 10th came way. Gotta learn that. Early lightweight admitted. Wait a minute. You paid all these bills, and I’m like, Yeah, like they’re doing like his time. Jesus. Why?

No, Like, I have everything organized our way. Like we’re gonna play this. So you know what? Since he takes the time to organize it, I’m like you got because I don’t feel like doing all that. I just rather just pay be done. Hey, Be done. Hey, be done. We have this money left over A We’re not going to do this and this, but at least the bills already paid, and it’s out of my brain check. You pay. He pays. Who does he pays? The bill doesn’t get a lot of late fees.

Okay, probably. And I’d rather not know. That’s where your money comes. That’s where. Your money? Yeah, I think I think that that set up is probably better for a lot of couples where they have a budget that’s agreed upon. They have a main account where they’re paying bills out of, and then they may have separate little accounts. Where? Yeah, you’re allocated 203 100. Whatever money he’s got his own money and my and and that you don’t have to ask for permission. Spouse 300. However I want if I wanna, you know, by four ant farms.

And because that’s my new hobby, Then don’t just step. Okay? So you throughout budget, I’ve never had a budget. Never had a budget giving me that. Look, I know that look. No, no, no, no. This is you in my counselor. This is not a I haven’t either. So back in the day before we went into ministry, we had enough money. We didn’t need a budget. Eso we just never got in the habit of it. And that’s where it goes back to. This is a whole another topic, right?

How? And win. And what does financial discussions with your spouse? It looked like to set him up for success. I find a lot of ours don’t end well, cause we start talking about my wife will be like, but I just stresses me out like Okay, well, you know, I just carry all the stress, you know? Let me know. Let me not worry. You do whatever you like, and I’ll figure it out on the back end. Sounds great. So, no, we really have tried probably three different times.

I’m so not organized that I don’t I’m not good at sticking with you. So my idea of budgeting is just don’t spend on Just be tight. And just like me, Joe came from an environment where it was like they didn’t really have to think about money. And so we have a little my my dad’s super frugal, like, if I go to my dad’s house right now, he, uh, he’s probably got shoes in the garage that he wears for yard work that I wore in high school. Wow.

Yeah, and it’s been a few years since high school. He had shirts that used to be my shirts that he went so my parents or super frugal. But now they had a place in their life where that has paid off. And Jill came a friend from a family where there was always abundance, so she never had to think about what they were spending over there spending. Well, that was me. I mean, I I came from working parents who we didn’t have much, but then I started making my own money and I did pretty good.

So if I wanted it, I went, Got it. If we want to go on trips, we just did it We didn’t even think about. And yet we threw stuff in the savings where I looked back and thought, Man, I probably should have more savings because all it takes is one bad day. One bad week in my case, one bad marriage, Teoh to take that away and all. Sudden now, Yeah, I’m a little tighter with my money. Then I used to be Yeah, for sure. So Yeah, well, it’s good to see that I’m not the only non, but here I struggle with budging, but, you know, not toe a modest bad guy a lot.

He’s a bit, but I’m so used to announce his life. Just forget it. I’m not gonna happen. And that’s just what it is. But I see the big picture, so I just have to stay focused on that. But he’s just like, Look, I’m gonna have to be a bad guy. I have to tell you know, And then in the times that he tells me yes. Then I’m like, Dang it. I guess I should have not pushed so hard, but, you know well, but I didn’t grow. I mean, I saw my parents, you know, like plan for my mom planned for everything.

She had the Christmas club at work. She had vacation account. I mean, she put aside money for every little thing so that we can enjoy things. And now I’m like, I wish I would have learned some of that, But then gotta have Ahmad. That’s a tight on me because, you know, So you spender or saver? Ah, I would say, judging from your nails near one. But I haven’t gotten done in a long time. So I would say I’m pretty good at say, I’m It took me a minute to get here.

I used to be a spender. OK, like when I first started working and I couldn’t wait to spend, who cares if it’s on sale? I don’t care. I’m gonna buy because I have the money, Whatever car. I’m gonna get that because I have the money and I have Joe and paying for everything. And now I’m like, OK, I don’t want to go. I don’t want to do nothing. I’m good. Netflix at the house we want to go anywhere unless this eat and at home. And I’m OK, so it I am a saver now, but it took a few years for me to get here.

So how old were you when you got married? 26. Okay. All right. So did you find it harder going from being single and I can buy what I want. Do what I want to. Now, all of a sudden we gotta think we gotta think of a couple bills and all that stuff. Did you? Is that where did you have a tendency to keep spending? Like you were single even though you were married? Yes, but that was that transition. So, like when we first got married, you know, we weren’t fully like following Dave Ramsey or anything else.

We were just like a We had two incomes. We’re gonna get the full pack is on direct TV. NFL ticket, Like everything. You know, Verizon, full family package, everything, you know. So we were just, like, enjoying and not saving a thing. And then we both kind of transition, like, Okay, we’re about to have a kid. You know, we had already bought a house So it’s like, OK, we have more responsibility. Let’s try where we gonna be? Over 60. So I do think, you know. And before we talked about, we talked about all the sex stuff.

How how women try toe. Try to get their guy by sex. That’s where I think money comes from. Men sometimes way try to spend for women and impress women. And let’s do this and that need to get married like we’re not spending that on. And then I’ll certain we’re creating some issue now that wasn’t there before. Well, I think I made it easy on the mind when we first started dating. I’m like, Look, I don’t like flowers. They’re just gonna die. No way Man feels the same way about four Valentine’s.

But then she’s like, Oh, by the way, like a lower like that, giving Jimmy two shoes. It was more like, Look, I just want I just want you to help and do things like That’s all you know. That was My thing is, you know, what is it? The love languages, a Maxim service acts of service. I’m like, That’s really what I want. I wasn’t really a gift. Er I’m just like, Look, just do help do things now, though. Hey, he could give me whatever. And I will be really, really happy, I guess, because of where we are, Like, you know, that’s what it is like to at least go to the movies every weekend.

So I’m like, give me something. Yeah, well, helps a movie suck now, but that’s another top. Yeah, they’re different, but yeah, get beat. I beat the gifts out of jail. She used to be used to be a gift person It asked for. You know, that’s frustrating when you’re early on a marriage. And so here, I think I’m gonna do some nice I spent, like, three hours clear she’s gone cleaning the house. I just know she gonna come home and be like, Oh, boo, You’re so sweet. Comes in, the house goes in the bedroom.

Don’t say nothing. Meanwhile, I’m getting pissed. And then finally, I got a little mini all you cleaned up. Thanks so much. Like, listen, three hours deserves a lot more than Oh, thank you. I mean, do I thought I’d come in the bedroom and she had nothing but a ribbon on. Uh, but Then I learned it was gifts. Told me that I go buy. It takes me two minutes to buy a $50 north from card. Put it on the pillow. I’m a hero. So but then I’m I’m tight.

So I beat the gifts out of her seat. Not a gift person named. Was it because you just bought a crappy gifts on? Okay. Just did something when I was like, Listen, you’re gonna get tired of returning this stuff. She doesn’t like to return things on a return guy. So here’s Here’s what we worked out leaders of early on. We worked out such a great deal. This is called a win win situation. She likes to shop. All right, So I would just let her shop, and then I’ll return all the stuff because she don’t like to return anything.

But when I returned something, I feel like I’m getting money back. So just let her shop didn’t come home, and then I’ll return it all. She feels like she won. I feel like way work. You got to do it to do. That’s true. Yeah, I got a question for you. Um, do you guys have limits? in your relationship like a dollar amount of some couples. It will say we discussed everything. Oh, every purchase. Over $300 or $200. We have to talk about so under 200 Have at it. You don’t have to talk to me by what you need.

Whatever it is. Close stuff for the house, all that. But once we get to the 300 limit, we have to have a conversation. Make sure we’re on the same page. You guys do anything like that? We don’t have Ah, we don’t have a dollar women Now. The great thing now is you got Alexa that says your your order of whatever close you just bought, commencing. I know what she’s getting before it even shows up, but we don’t really have a dollar limit. We just have a you know, if it’s if it’s something that’s not that like OK, like So I’m a drummer, right?

Like playing. I have my set, but I have my sense somewhere else. So I wanted another set. So stuff like that, where it’s not really that necessary, but I wanted it. It is a little more expensive. We talk about stuff like that, but And we Did you get it? Got it. You got a drum set in the house. I got to two. Yeah, I only play one time, bro. Not me, man. Really? You? Me? Wow, that’s it. You play drums and watch these stupid shows like millionaire stuff and I’m reading by.

You know where you’re like. You don’t even know where it ISS. When I followed up when you were a life group, you were eating my chicken pretty good. Yeah. You guys gonna be there this week? Way, kids. Right. I got ta there. I got to go. I got family deck. Now it’s come home. You were just up there, like, two weeks ago. She wasn’t Is This is the point of life group. The point of sending kids off to college is they’re gone. Eso may I’ll see it.

Christmas broke, right? Yeah, I got it. OK, but you gotta live with bro’s mama. That’s a That’s a whole another thing. That is, anyway. So, no, we don’t have, like, a certain dollar amount. Where you Okay. Over 300. Whatever. It’s just kind of It’s it’s It’s something where we don’t It’s not necessary that we chat about it. That makes sense about you and we. This might sound weird, but we kind of talked about all of it like any any type of expense. So, um so especially, like, let’s say maybe I ran out of my fun money and my coworker, So write it so in my co worker might be like a toy.

Let’s go to lunch. And I’m like, I don’t have any more fun money. So then I will. I’ll be like, Look a because I don’t know his scheduling for the bills out of the house account. So I will have to just be like, Hey, I’m I something about running the lunch. Can I go ahead and use the house account? So things like that. So I feel like we kind of communicate. But if I have the money in my fun money account now, I need to go out.

Deke and I kept wholesome money out of the bail envelope. You never know so fun. Money is eating. Lunch is fun to eat about the necessity Well, eating out because I could take my lunch. So this is just, you know, this is just more like a so special painting like that. I don’t I don’t eat out all the time, so yeah, I mean, you guys sound like you have good communication around finances. We do, you know, the most. I don’t find that our financial discussions always go well.

So give me sub. Do you have a couple secrets or ideas? Is it a a certain time in place that we talk about money so that cause I know a lot of couples who, like we try to have a finding a touchy financial discussion in a moment when one of us is tired or now is not the time or at and, you know, I mean, do you have, like, a specific What? How do you do it? Well, they started before just because we wanted to be debt free.

So that was kind of how it started. So we had to get on the same page and he says, I look, do you want this? If not, we can keep living the way we’ve been living. That’s fine. But do you really want to be debt free? Do you really wanna have a good savings? What? How do you want to be. Where do you want our finances to be? One more 60. And when we came up with that and was just like Okay, now we need to be on the same page.

This is how we’re going to get here. And that was kind of it. So those beginning conversations of setting that foundation of our goals so and now it’s just that the in game do you have a regular, like weekly budget discussion, like, do you say, Hey, every Sunday night, we have little staff meeting and we review our budget How we do this week or do you do it monthly? How did we do? How do you stay on track and just both? You’re so committed way really talk about it.

Just whenever it comes up, we don’t have a schedule time. I think in the beginning stages, we did. But now it’s just we’re on the same track. So it’s just whenever somebody wants to spin. Sounds like he created a habit that we have created a habit exactly like it. Yeah, well, thank you so much. You were tuned in to The RelationShop. I’m Toya. And with me, I have Jason and Eric. And thank you for listening. This is Power 77.

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